Awareness

When I recorded my 2013 life vision I declared, "I dwell within and seize the every flowing opportunities which bring awareness and alter the paradigm of beauty, age, ability. I inspire and encourage others to create abundant greatness in their lives."

And the opportunities have come and are flowing. They aren't necessarily comfortable for me but they are wonderful. They require stretch, a reach beyond, a summons of courage from a new depth.

I squirmed watching the video and of course, the Brothers Gremlin showed up. So I met them and greeted them and instead of shrinking with their questions I ask those questions to you, I send them out to the universe, "Am I bringing awareness? Am I altering the paradigm? Am I inspiring and encouraging?"

When the videographer came to my home she noticed my 'art'. So this is a point, a simple starting place to highlight, to ask, did you see more, notice more, are you inspired?

Spectrum Interview

This collage is on the video. I created it prior to my surgery last June. Did you read its message?

"then she realized how much she would have missed had the caterpillar

chosen to be content rather than brave"

And beneath the layers is written the names of individuals who were a part of  my journey to that point. The intent being that all I am, where I am going, where I have come from, I did not do, arrive, or gotten through without others.

We are all connected. We need each other. We are, right at this moment, perfect, complete, whole, beautiful, divine beings which dwell in limitless possibilities. And, as created beings, we create, therefore tomorrow, regardless of what life brings, we have the freedom to create our beautiful, joyful life.

Wacky, Wonderous, Whatever Wednesday

Over the past few months I have been working with our local amputee support group. Last month was our first meeting of the year and we had a darn good turn out. This month not so much, one brave beautiful man showed up. The following is the reason why only one showed up but the following is also my wacky idea, goal, mission, (deep sigh here) silly planning of which, regardless of what anyone may think, I will not give up on.

For weeks I promoted this month’s support group activity; bowling. Yes, I thought it would be a wonderful opportunity to gather together as fellow amputees and do something a little different, something, which I thought many in our group might contemplate attempting. And why not? It would be a stretch, we’d have to figure things out, we’d be a group who could laugh with and at each other because we have this commonality.

Sadly, when I spoke to everyone (in our group that is) most thought ‘they’d be busy with other things’ or, and I respect the honesty, said, “I can’t do that.” CAN’T is such a foul four letter word, isn’t it.

So Monday, this beautiful brave double amputee, one above the knee and one below, arrived in his prosthetics with is cane and bowled with me. I was in my chair, well a few times I thought the ball was going to roll me out of it, but I stayed in my chair and, even though he and I used the bumpers, we bowled; there was no ‘can’t’ about it, we bowled.

Were we great bowlers? Nope, but even when I had legs, real ones, I wasn’t a great bowler. Did we have a blast? Absolutely. Did others get a kick out of us? Yup. We all laughed, relaxed, and simply had fun. And I know beyond any shadow of doubt, if the others in our group would have shown up, they’d simply have done the same; laughed, relaxed, had fun.

We bowled with my leg maker, one of the guys I work with who happens to be a phenomenal 300 kind of bowler, and cute Kendra who heads up the amputee support group. They have all their body parts so they didn’t get the bumpers.

 Anyway, as we were bowling I kept thinking about why do really good bowlers, like Mr. Phenomenal 300 Score Bowler get handicaps? Because they’re so darn good, there has to be a handicap given to make the playing field or the bowling alley more competitive. Am I right here in my thinking? So, for wheelchair girls like me, or toddlers on new prosthetics like me, or those on old prosthetics, or anyone with any ‘handicap’ even if it’s not like mine, let me ask you, “How do you choose to be identified with the word HANDICAP?” I say you are so darn good!

Now here’s my mission, my goal, my idea, as wacky as it may sound ~ I believe there needs to be a new paradigm for age, beauty, and ability. And if that means I have to keep begging folks to come out and do something a little outside their comfort zone,  or committing to a mini tri this autumn, or going to elementary classes and reading Dolphin’s Tail; well...wacky, wondrous, whatever… so it shall be!

I Thought It Was Simply Weed Pulling

A late winter snow followed by early spring 70 degree temperatures causes buds and bulbs and weeds to pop. Maybe it was that, weeds popping up which lured me out to the gardens early Friday morning. For days I intended to begin tiding up the gardens out front as they are areas I see with each coming and going. For whatever reason though I plopped out of my chair into the strawberry patch which, being on the north side of the house and behind the mulcher, is a spot I must wander out to see. Settling down where I didn’t intend should have been a clue I wasn’t simply going to be pulling weeds.

Oh it had been such a long time since I sat with Mother Earth but it only took a few minutes for me to be drawn into a meditative communion with her. I began pulling out the ground cover of fresh weeds, the 5 foot dried up stocks of deceased wild sunflowers, but it’s when I got to the wild mullein which had set up residence in the strawberry patch last summer that Mother began sharing her wisdom.

Strawberry leaves have begun to emerge from the core of their decay. The tendrils which had extended out last season are dry and brittle, no new life at the ends. But at mullein, even with dry, brittle tendrils, there is new strawberry plant life.

I had to explore mullein’s space. She had new beautiful leaves sprouting from her center. Her older leaves remained vibrant through Old Man Winter’s harsh cold temperatures, his pounding sleet, bitter winds, and frosty snows. In fact, enduring such, her thick, velvety, layered leaves reached out wide around her. Gently I lifted up her leaves. I brushed through them.

Unlike the ground surrounding her which was dry, cracked, and hard, beneath her the ground was moist, pliable, even somewhat warm. There I found deaths debris. Some of her blackened, withered leaves gave way, others were merging back into Mother Earth, while a few remained, tightly clinging to her.  I found a decaying mouse who must have sought shelter under her warm inviting blanket. I wonder if she made an effort to save him and if her heart broke when the tiny creature succumb to Winter’s doing.

I couldn’t bring myself to pull her out, remove her from the place she chose to set up home. So there she remains, in the center of my strawberry patch. She offers herself, welcoming, expanding, giving. Sitting next to Mullein, the sun in position, I look down and notice our shadows had merged. Together we were one, stretched out across Mother Earth being warmly kissed by Sun.

When I signed up for Jane Cunningham’s course, Facing the Minotaur, (www.reframingyourstory.com) I didn’t fully understand that which we would be embarking on. I wasn’t sure I understood shadow and darkness beyond the literal sense. Not sure how to expose and greet mine. My life has been about overcoming the dark, scary parts. Through Mullein, Mother, Sun, Jane and our circle of sisters, I think I’m learning at a deeper, richer level that it is the merging, the coming together and the giving into, the need for balance of light and dark, and without death there is no life. The greeting of my shadows with a desire to know them, to hear their message, and receive their gifts, to experience living with my shadow self as a benevolent friend….

Events in my life are quickly occurring, stirring, requiring me to stretch beyond my comfort zone, out of the known light and into a dark unknown. Will I awaken to it? Am I ready to journey farther into the labyrinth of life? Will I panic, flee from the shadows which follow and those which lurk deeper in? Will I summons the courage to face Minotaur?....

I ventured out to strawberry patch. Today the Maiden of Spring is blowing a cold north wind. What does Mullein do? She simply dances with Spring. I notice the light shining into Mulleins velvet, sage colored leaves exposing her veins. She is alive at many levels. I turn to wheel back in and notice her shadow. It too is dancing with Spring; her shadow is simply dancing with her.

Wacky, Wondrous, Whatever Wednesday

Been home all day which is quite wacky as I have taken a part time job, yikes yes, a J O B and I've been cleared, with no restrictions (sort of), to begin training which includes toddling all over again. So, between working and training and walking (okay toddling, but have ditched the forearm crutch while in the gym), to have a day home is very rare for me these days.

But the new washer (after nearly 10 years of service the old one gave up the ghost) and dryer delivery guys who must not venture north of St George as they were in shorts and were certain they would get the truck and trailer stuck in the snow, came today. As typical not every thing went as planned (got the wrong type of dryer) and they happened to arrive when Elder Frehner called from the airport. Ugggg, crazy timing and darn mix ups.

After appliances were moved in and out, hooked up, sent back, and my wondrous conversation with Garth, wowsers he's on his way to Colombia, I took advantage of the time home and with a head full of things I'm busting to blog about, I wrote. After several hours, what I'd been writing turned out to be really too deep and heavy for me. Needing a break, I went about forwarding Garth's last email to family and friends. In so doing I re-read his PS which I absolutely adore, here it is ~

"PS in Ether chapter 3 or 4. I can't remember. The brother of Jared pleads with God to bring light to the stones so they can have light in their vessels. God lights all 16 stones one by one. When he finishes the brother of Jared's faith is so strong that he was able to see the finger of God which was made out of flesh and bone. Pretty cool experience for him. But also we all need to remember that as God's children we are those stone and someone is always praying for us to be lit by the light of Christ. Even if we already have it, it can still grow brighter."

Then browsing around Facebook I came upon this Rumi quote ~

"The light which shines in the eye is really the light of the heart. The light which fills the heart is the light of God, which is pure and separate from the light of intellect and sense."

Don't ya just love that!

In what I was writing (and at some point will finish) there was a place where I wrote about on the day before Jeff crossed over how there was such a brightness in his eyes. As I was writing it I could see that vision so clearly, I could see that brightness. Was it possibliy the light of his heart being filled with the light of God?

And, as I was talking with Garth, I noticed such a lightness in his voice, an unencumbered ready for this new adventure lightness.

Now, hours after I began writing, this is where I've ended up. While it's far away from where I began today, the 'message' really remains the same, love in its purest state illuminates. I wrote ~
 
"Love is an emotion as vast as the Universe outside us and the Universe within us. Love holds a variety of emotion in and of itself. Have we not in love felt fear, euphoria, joy, guilt, and compassion? The emotions not only go on and on but continue to vary until love becomes conditional, defined, even something to be scared of. (Oh, but remember Jules, it only takes the altering of the c and a to turn scared into sacred.)"

Can we see, can I see, the sacred stone of my heart? As love gets smothered with stuff, emotional and human stuff, it seems to dim. Only when we peel back all the stuff and expose love in its pure, raw state can it, we, I then be touched, as Garth says, like the stones. There in our vessel, we truely experience the light of God which is just that ~ love in its pure, raw state. And from that state we can love purely, we can have faith, we can trust and pray and illuminate and have joy in our being...

Oh my, I am simply busting with so much but hopefully in all this you find something wacky, wondrous, whatever or even something which makes you wonder, what if.

Wacky, Wonderous, Whatever Wednesday

Not sure why, maybe being extra tired driving into work, possible PMSing, could be natural humanness and it occasionally happens, or simply because I really needed to get my car washed, I don’t know, but the Brothers Gremlin caught hold of me with the ‘enoughs’. “You didn’t make enough pulled pork for Garth’s farewell. Are you writing enough to Garth? You aren’t sending the packages out to him in a timely enough manner. Are you grateful enough to those who have helped him? You definitely are not a strong enough walker. You aren’t brave enough to even be a walker. Are you walking enough? Are you a good enough life coach? Why don’t you have enough clients? Are you drinking enough water? Are you eating enough greens? Absolutely not; you are not drinking enough water. Why isn’t there enough moisture for this time of year?”  

Okay, at this point I respond back to Brothers Gremlin asking, “How is not enough moisture this winter my fault?”

“Are you praying enough?” This is about the point where the nasty Brothers pull out the noose of guilt and I place it around my neck like it’s some beautiful heirloom jeweled necklace. Glancing at myself in the rearview mirror, maybe to see if the ‘necklace’ was on right, only fueled them more, “You are certainly looking old enough.”

They reveled and taunted for the entire 45 minute drive into town. Exiting I-15 onto surface streets they sarcastically continued, “Isn’t your car dirty enough for you?” And there, on my right, was Fabulous Freddie’s. “That’s right, here will be enough for you,” they cackle for they know how stressed I get going through a drive through carwash.

Pulling up to the pump to top off my gas tank so to get the discount, the young attendant asks, “Would you like me to fuel you?”

“Yes, that would be so helpful cause I don’t have any legs,” I say.

Ugggg the Brothers caught that one, “It wasn’t enough to simply say yes please, was it?”

The fuel attendant sends me to the carwash attendant who hands me a carwash menu. This is where my heart begins to race. Seeing I’m becoming over whelmed, she asks, “Would you like the interior done also?”

“No, I don’t really want to get out of my car,” I say as calmly as possible.

“Well, then, just choose from this section,” she kindly says pointing to the right side of the menu.

I make a selection, pay my tab and proceed forward. After making the turn, there’s no backing out. “You’re a very bad backer upper anyway,” those Gremlins howl.

Now, at the entrance, at the point where there’s the list of rules, where the guider-in attendant is surely going to roll his eyes at me as I make every attempt to align my tires up with the grabber thing, this is when I have to begin controlling my breath, focus myself so not to have a panic attack. Oh, God, did I put it in neutral too soon? Don’t hit the brakes, don’t hit the brakes…

Today, at about the place where the recycled carwash water mixes with the soap which-comes-from-where making the interesting pink and blue suds, two things dawned on me.

The first; a drive through carwash is a lot like life. There are times when things are such a yucky mess all you can do is wash it out. When those moments come, and you know it, you’ve got to be brave enough (yep I said it BRAVE ENOUGH, and you are, for Pete’s sake, brave enough) to face it head on, even as those Brothers Gremlin taunt. There’s no backing up, even if you are a good backer upper. Then, especially when it’s really hard to do so, you gotta line yourself up just right. Who cares if others roll their eyes at you, you gotta get aligned with the grabber thing, put it in neutral, and let someone else take over. Okay, and I’m not one to really follow the rules, but don’t brake, whatever you do, don’t brake until you’re out. When it gets a little dark and shaky, know it’s going to be okay, there’s some interesting colors to be made out of the recycled water and soap, look for them. This is the best part as things get all lathery, enjoy it, it all rinses away, down the drain and you won't go with it. Fear not the high blower. But, allow yourself to be blown away because you’re going to emerge with a fresh clean view on your amazing, authentic, gorgeous life…

At the point where the recycled water met the soap, yes, I had a wonderful epiphany on life and the carwash. Now, will I wait another gazillion months and be tormented by the Brothers Gremlin before I get my car washed again, probably so, but it will be with less stress and a new approach.

Oh, the second thing that hit me there? It dawned on me why every one of the attendants said, “Have a fabulous day.”

 

Mission Statement

Mission Statement

 

 

I am interested in your life, your story, your journey and I desire for you ~

v  To recognize your pristine divinity; you are a child of God, the Universe, Creative Source, etc. who is loved beyond measure.

v  To view the endless possibilities you dwell in and seize them.

v  To bravely unshackle your full creativity and potential.

v  To awaken to the knowledge that all things can be made purposeful and that you are of great importance and purpose; no one else can fulfill that which you are called to do.

v  To know you are limitless; you joined this world without a ceiling, therefore, yes, you are limitless.

v  To receive and use, with meaningful gratitude, the constant flow of gifts of which God, the Universe, Creative Source, etc. has for you.

v  To meet, befriend, become partners with the beautiful one you are seeking; You.

v  To fall deeper and deeper in love with your life; your perfect, joyful, radiant journey of life.

 “Believe in loves infinite journey, for it is your own, for you are love. Love is Life.” ~ Rumi

I am here for you, to cheer you on, be your greatest fan, to guide you as you dream, create, fly!

All the while, keeping it so simple.

 

Back Home

Have you ever had something you thought was so right, even though it was something you've been wrestling with, something that some how just wasn't jiving no matter which way you approached it and then in an awaking moment it becomes so simple, so clear; it's just not right?

For over a month I've really been wanting my other blogspot, www.dreamcreatefly.blogspot.com to come alive, take off, fly, but there was always a sense of resistance, a feeling that it wasn't me. Oh, the collage I created for it is me, the writings posted there are me, I am grateful for the readers who have ventured there for me, and the resistance, wrestling of the site was, is me, but for what and why I couldn't figure out until this morning.

Waking up this morning I truly had an awaking, a wide awake clarity of what my problem has been, why the resistance ~ "keep it so simple." That's it, I'm failing to keep it so simple! I felt with my new play ground of life coaching, starting over without my knee, getting back into training, a new year, on and on, that somehow I had to start a new site, a new place, but the new place never felt like home. Inside I was missing this place. And, with how difficult everything has been over the past 6 months with the surgeries, my loss, work, learning to stand, attempting to walk, on and on, I thought this, writing, sharing, connecting had to somehow be a bit more difficult too, that so much was starting over, this, my space, my place, had to start over when simply I needed to pick up right where I am and start.

So, here I am, back home, where I should have remained. The posts prior to dreamcreatefly are what brought me to there and from there to here and here to where I am and where I am going, there, here, where, it's all connected, extensions, part of the whole of my adventurous, amazing, crazy, wild, beautiful life.

The parts are never greater than the sum and my parts are made up of dreaming, creating, flying. It's in the flying, no, from the soar, when I can look down and view the whole. From this perspective I can see clearly that life simply comes with its share of challenges, or invitations as I prefer. I don't need to make life any more arduous, I am free to simply choose to keep so simple.

But, we're still going to dream and dream big and take those dreams to create wonders and spread our gorgeous wings and fly then soar and glide taking in the amazing view of life. Welcome Home!