Wednesday, February 20, 2013

Wacky, Wondrous, Whatever Wednesday

Been home all day which is quite wacky as I have taken a part time job, yikes yes, a J O B and I've been cleared, with no restrictions (sort of), to begin training which includes toddling all over again. So, between working and training and walking (okay toddling, but have ditched the forearm crutch while in the gym), to have a day home is very rare for me these days.

But the new washer (after nearly 10 years of service the old one gave up the ghost) and dryer delivery guys who must not venture north of St George as they were in shorts and were certain they would get the truck and trailer stuck in the snow, came today. As typical not every thing went as planned (got the wrong type of dryer) and they happened to arrive when Elder Frehner called from the airport. Ugggg, crazy timing and darn mix ups.

After appliances were moved in and out, hooked up, sent back, and my wondrous conversation with Garth, wowsers he's on his way to Colombia, I took advantage of the time home and with a head full of things I'm busting to blog about, I wrote. After several hours, what I'd been writing turned out to be really too deep and heavy for me. Needing a break, I went about forwarding Garth's last email to family and friends. In so doing I re-read his PS which I absolutely adore, here it is ~

"PS in Ether chapter 3 or 4. I can't remember. The brother of Jared pleads with God to bring light to the stones so they can have light in their vessels. God lights all 16 stones one by one. When he finishes the brother of Jared's faith is so strong that he was able to see the finger of God which was made out of flesh and bone. Pretty cool experience for him. But also we all need to remember that as God's children we are those stone and someone is always praying for us to be lit by the light of Christ. Even if we already have it, it can still grow brighter."

Then browsing around Facebook I came upon this Rumi quote ~

"The light which shines in the eye is really the light of the heart. The light which fills the heart is the light of God, which is pure and separate from the light of intellect and sense."

Don't ya just love that!

In what I was writing (and at some point will finish) there was a place where I wrote about on the day before Jeff crossed over how there was such a brightness in his eyes. As I was writing it I could see that vision so clearly, I could see that brightness. Was it possibliy the light of his heart being filled with the light of God?

And, as I was talking with Garth, I noticed such a lightness in his voice, an unencumbered ready for this new adventure lightness.

Now, hours after I began writing, this is where I've ended up. While it's far away from where I began today, the 'message' really remains the same, love in its purest state illuminates. I wrote ~
"Love is an emotion as vast as the Universe outside us and the Universe within us. Love holds a variety of emotion in and of itself. Have we not in love felt fear, euphoria, joy, guilt, and compassion? The emotions not only go on and on but continue to vary until love becomes conditional, defined, even something to be scared of. (Oh, but remember Jules, it only takes the altering of the c and a to turn scared into sacred.)"

Can we see, can I see, the sacred stone of my heart? As love gets smothered with stuff, emotional and human stuff, it seems to dim. Only when we peel back all the stuff and expose love in its pure, raw state can it, we, I then be touched, as Garth says, like the stones. There in our vessel, we truely experience the light of God which is just that ~ love in its pure, raw state. And from that state we can love purely, we can have faith, we can trust and pray and illuminate and have joy in our being...

Oh my, I am simply busting with so much but hopefully in all this you find something wacky, wondrous, whatever or even something which makes you wonder, what if.

Wednesday, February 6, 2013

Wacky, Wonderous, Whatever Wednesday

Not sure why, maybe being extra tired driving into work, possible PMSing, could be natural humanness and it occasionally happens, or simply because I really needed to get my car washed, I don’t know, but the Brothers Gremlin caught hold of me with the ‘enoughs’. “You didn’t make enough pulled pork for Garth’s farewell. Are you writing enough to Garth? You aren’t sending the packages out to him in a timely enough manner. Are you grateful enough to those who have helped him? You definitely are not a strong enough walker. You aren’t brave enough to even be a walker. Are you walking enough? Are you a good enough life coach? Why don’t you have enough clients? Are you drinking enough water? Are you eating enough greens? Absolutely not; you are not drinking enough water. Why isn’t there enough moisture for this time of year?”  

Okay, at this point I respond back to Brothers Gremlin asking, “How is not enough moisture this winter my fault?”

“Are you praying enough?” This is about the point where the nasty Brothers pull out the noose of guilt and I place it around my neck like it’s some beautiful heirloom jeweled necklace. Glancing at myself in the rearview mirror, maybe to see if the ‘necklace’ was on right, only fueled them more, “You are certainly looking old enough.”

They reveled and taunted for the entire 45 minute drive into town. Exiting I-15 onto surface streets they sarcastically continued, “Isn’t your car dirty enough for you?” And there, on my right, was Fabulous Freddie’s. “That’s right, here will be enough for you,” they cackle for they know how stressed I get going through a drive through carwash.

Pulling up to the pump to top off my gas tank so to get the discount, the young attendant asks, “Would you like me to fuel you?”

“Yes, that would be so helpful cause I don’t have any legs,” I say.

Ugggg the Brothers caught that one, “It wasn’t enough to simply say yes please, was it?”

The fuel attendant sends me to the carwash attendant who hands me a carwash menu. This is where my heart begins to race. Seeing I’m becoming over whelmed, she asks, “Would you like the interior done also?”

“No, I don’t really want to get out of my car,” I say as calmly as possible.

“Well, then, just choose from this section,” she kindly says pointing to the right side of the menu.

I make a selection, pay my tab and proceed forward. After making the turn, there’s no backing out. “You’re a very bad backer upper anyway,” those Gremlins howl.

Now, at the entrance, at the point where there’s the list of rules, where the guider-in attendant is surely going to roll his eyes at me as I make every attempt to align my tires up with the grabber thing, this is when I have to begin controlling my breath, focus myself so not to have a panic attack. Oh, God, did I put it in neutral too soon? Don’t hit the brakes, don’t hit the brakes…

Today, at about the place where the recycled carwash water mixes with the soap which-comes-from-where making the interesting pink and blue suds, two things dawned on me.

The first; a drive through carwash is a lot like life. There are times when things are such a yucky mess all you can do is wash it out. When those moments come, and you know it, you’ve got to be brave enough (yep I said it BRAVE ENOUGH, and you are, for Pete’s sake, brave enough) to face it head on, even as those Brothers Gremlin taunt. There’s no backing up, even if you are a good backer upper. Then, especially when it’s really hard to do so, you gotta line yourself up just right. Who cares if others roll their eyes at you, you gotta get aligned with the grabber thing, put it in neutral, and let someone else take over. Okay, and I’m not one to really follow the rules, but don’t brake, whatever you do, don’t brake until you’re out. When it gets a little dark and shaky, know it’s going to be okay, there’s some interesting colors to be made out of the recycled water and soap, look for them. This is the best part as things get all lathery, enjoy it, it all rinses away, down the drain and you won't go with it. Fear not the high blower. But, allow yourself to be blown away because you’re going to emerge with a fresh clean view on your amazing, authentic, gorgeous life…

At the point where the recycled water met the soap, yes, I had a wonderful epiphany on life and the carwash. Now, will I wait another gazillion months and be tormented by the Brothers Gremlin before I get my car washed again, probably so, but it will be with less stress and a new approach.

Oh, the second thing that hit me there? It dawned on me why every one of the attendants said, “Have a fabulous day.”