Saturday, December 21, 2013

Synchronicities, Simplicity, Solstice and Journaling

There are several names for each full moon deriving from various ancient cultures, tribes, regions. Over the years I have mixed those names creating my own annual list as they appeal to me (if there are rules or guidelines to moon name calling, well then, I broke the rules again).  Long Night’s Moon (the name I chose for December) was on the 17. For weeks I had contemplated a tiny solitary celebration which ended up being nothing more than what I seem to have done for the last 11 full moons; gaze upon dear Luna in admiration and honor.
On the 18, as I awoke, got ready, and set out for my early trek to work, Luna continued to beckon me with her glorious light. It’s in her light (which, yes, I’ve written about it before, her light source comes from the Sun but oh how she reflects him…many messages there) it’s from within her glow that I hear her whispers. And, as typical for me, it wasn’t so much December 18 or 19 but on the 20, when during my entire drive south on I-15 she, in her gentle hovering, continued to reveal herself, that the ‘message’ began to articulate in my brain. And, as typical, it wasn’t only one awareness, one happening, or just Luna and Sun doing what they do best, but a sequence of occurrences, which probably occur quite often but too often go unnoticed by me, that struck my Spirit.
Now, I could go into all the little synchronicities, but I won’t, not this time. This time I’m just going to the core of the message, I'm going to keep it simple, because it so applies for today, the Solstice (Sun stands still). It is a recurring message for me as I tend to slip up or slip out often…
”Be still long enough to glide back into rhythm."
As I laid awake last night from midnight until 3AM, watching the clouds, which seemed to enjoy being illuminated by Luna’s glow, move across the sky (oh how I love the sky lights above my bed) mingling with all the gazillion thoughts I had, was one penetrating question, “How do I avoid this slip out of rhythm again? How do I sync in with the Universal flow?”
Besides the usual answer for every soulful delimia of deeping meditation and prayer, the only other answer I received was to journal. But, instead of complete dread which has kept me from journaling this past year, I was filled with a bit of excitement. Again, Jules, there’s no rules or guidelines (if there are, break them), keep it so simple, even  if it means you have several journals, it’s okay, it’s safe, it’s not cumbersome, it’s rhythmic.
I will conclude this post with a bit of promise to myself…this blog space is a journaling space, much as I’d like to just remain disassembled today and stay home, go purchase a few fresh, clean journals...I am free to create, create a new gratitude journal even several little journals...
For a moment this Solstice, I too shall ‘stand still’ in potient prayer and meditation, and begin journaling…I think I shall start with Luna, the Moon and the Sun for they, in their waxing and waining, in their Universal place in space, they are constant particpants, reminders of the rhythm..
I invite you to join me in keeping it in rhythm and keeping it so simple…
PS ~ New Year's Day is the New Moon, January 15 is the Cold Moon.


Wednesday, October 2, 2013

W3 Wednesday

This morning I awoke feeling more alive than I have in the past week. Since returning home from my sister’s several weeks ago I haven’t felt really well and last Wednesday I was hit with a cold that has knocked me down hard. For the better part of the past week I have felt, along with all the discomforts of a serious cold, as if something foreign has attached itself to me draining out life. But this morning, even with another restless night, I feel so much better and as I lay in bed watching dawn's light grow brighter I wondered what, if anything, I had to learn from this down time.
As typical for me the response to my wonder was very simple: aware, be more aware, awake, attentive, conscious and thus becoming more appreciative, grateful…

With this simple, and yes reoccurring thought of awareness in mind, I chose to acknowledge what I have noticed over these shut in days as I look out my windows; Autumn, change, but the thought led me to as much as I love Autumn there is always a sense of sorrow, passing, a crossing over, now mingled with a sense that I did not celebrate with any more than the ‘glancing of and a bow of gratitude toward’ the harvest moon. Even though it wasn’t a sloughing off I sadly realize there will be the crossing of seasons and 12 full moons before I arrive to her again…Really, Jules, come on....
What else have I noticed these past few shut in days as I've looked out my windows? The Creeping Virginia across the way has evolved, stretching her colors, growing richer until reaching her full crimson red

The Box Elder tree out back altering his colors as well, slowly, releasing some of his leaves, and the early transition, had I not been so shut in, would have gone unnoticed
photo 1.JPG
Oh, yes, the delphinium and lavender out front have re-bloomed, beautifully re-bloomed, and gratefully, this morning I recall over the past few shut in days noticing their tender buds emerge and swell and beautifully re-bloom
photo 2.JPG

Wheeling into the kitchen, my home filled with morning quite, there is a gentle brushing sound. A leaf, from the bouquet of New Harmony Autumn which I was graced with by my dear friends, Brent and Monica, this past weekend, fluttered down, gently reminding me once more….
photo 1.JPG


Wednesday, August 28, 2013

W-3 Wednesday

This came across my Facebook feed last night.

My first thought was to scoop up this sweet little critter and bring her inside, dry off her wings, hold her until the storm passes, and then set her free.

My next thought was a memory; a memory of when I was in the hospital, just after being sent from ICU trauma to an isolation room. It was a mid-morning, having another unit of blood coming into me, all kinds of fluids, antibiotics, morphine...I was in and out. While all those things are clear in many of my memories from back then it is the memory of glancing over to my left and seeing my dad sitting next me.

This mid-morning, when I looked at my dad I caught him weeping. I had never in my 35 years of life ever, not once, seem my dad cry. During the space of time which we didn't say anything I had this beautiful thought, "If my dad, my Earthly dad is weeping for his daughter, how much is my Heavenly dad weeping for me?"

I know my dad was weeping for me, his daughter, feeling helpless, feeling like if he could he'd take this all away for me, he'd give me back my legs, he'd release the pain, he'd eliminate the fact that his oldest daughter might still die....oh I know the countless reasons why he was weeping and all the soulful, pure, unidentified reasons he was weeping. And I wondered, "If my dad is weeping like this for me how much more does my Heavenly dad weep for me?" but I didn't know...does He, my great God weep for me? He surely knows what has happened, what I'm going through....

Of course I smiled at my dad, letting him know I was going to be okay, really I assured him I would be okay. He dried his eyes, smiled back and we simply visited.

After he left I thought about the weeping Dad's but anger entered and I cried out to my Heavenly dad, "You could have stopped this, you could have made this less, you could have spared my legs, this is so damn unfair...." Yeah, if you know me, even in my drug induced self, I continued a really good fit throwing.

My fits typically end because I exhaust myself. And, at that time I exhausted more quickly than usual. As I lay there alone in my fit-exhausted-overly-divinely-drugged-state, my great God, my sweet Heavenly Father whispered, "As much as your Earthly dad weeps for you I weep even more. I weep more because yes, I could have stopped this, spared this from you but you, my daughter can weather this storm..."

This picture summonsed within me this memory, and as we all know memories which come with divine spiritual messages are beyond mere words. There is power in this picture for me eternal power, a reminder that in the storms of my life I must face them head on, in the down pour, in the bitter cold, remain steadfast and pray. As my heart breaks, as I, in my humanness struggle and throw fits, pray, I must continue to hold on and pray and know that my Heavenly Father wants to scoop me up and bring me Heavenly Father can scoop me up and bring me in...but it's not time child, not yet. And I know this, while I'm there in the rage of the storm, I am not alone, He is there weeping for me, with me...and the storms will pass, my wings will dry, and because I did it, weathered it, prayed, and know my Father's love, I will fly stronger and higher....

Face your storms, pray though them, and believe me you are not alone...your Great God weeps for you, He is supporting you through, knowing once the storm passes and your wings dry out, you will soar! To His Greatness and Glory, Soar.

Wednesday, August 14, 2013

Wacky, Wondrous, Whatever Wednesday

This post has been simmering on the back burner of my mind for some time; completely unattended but left to simmer still. Maybe had I attended it, added a few ingredients or gently stirred it, it, this post might pour out a bit better. But I didn’t attend it; it attended me and in helplessly witnessing a tragic event unfold Monday I have been brought to this simmering post and pour out its contents be they smooth or lumpy….

On a very busy road I waited, sitting in the center lane, for the opportunity to turn into the fueling station. Vehicles were zip and zooming by me on both sides. To my left I a little movement on the roadway caught my eye; a squirrel. Oh my, there he was running, stopping, darting, dashing, in his attempt to avoid the tires speeding by. He made it across two lanes to the only safety he had, in front of my sitting-waiting-to turn car. At this point if I knew I could reason with a squirrel I’d have gotten out of my car in the middle of this bustling road and given him a lift to the other side.

Not being a squirrel whisperer, all I could do was pray and watch. While praying was, watching was probably not, the best thing for me to do. Out he went from the ‘safety’ of our center lane resuming his running, stopping, darting, dashing. Oh thank God, he made it across the first lane and yes it appeared he would make it had the approaching truck been going 50 mph and not 52. Just before he reached the other side he was hit.

Oblivious to all those zooming by, except me, I watched this furry little critter attempt to get up, his tail flipping wildly to bring him to his feet. Then another car, the last one needing to pass so I could turn…

Whenever I see a dead animal on the road I say, “Oh I’m so sorry little critter, bless your heart.” I don’t know, but I suppose if you know me you get it. One day, a few weeks ago, driving along I-15 to the big city, I made an attempt to I indentify all the critters I was blessing the hearts of. This particular day, while several were unidentifiable, there was a variety of critters. I blessed the hearts of several rabbits and snakes, a coyote, two raccoons, a few deer, and a cat. Wow, I thought how very sad they didn’t either stay on their side of the highway or didn’t make to the other side.

Then the very next day as I began my I-15 journey to the big city, a young buck (the four legged fur covered kind of young buck) caught my eye, really caught my eye, like eye contact, like deer-totem-I-have-a-message-for-you contact. Now I’m just getting on the freeway gassing it to join the other 75-80 mile-per-hourers and I’m making eye contact with a deer, feeling him.

He was pacing the fence line along the 15, pacing on the safer side of the fence. As I looked at him I felt his panic, his anxiety, my heart began to race as his was, our breath quicken and became shallow. I knew what he was thinking, “I have to get to the other side.” Whatever he wanted or needed, what he longed for was on the other side of a crazy, high traffic, fast moving interstate.

As I joined the other mile-per-hourers on the highway, I watched him from my rear view mirror. I prayed for him, for his safe crossing. I looked for him along both sides of the 15 from Blackridge to my exit for days, hoping to not have to say, “Oh I’m so sorry little critter, bless your heart.”

These critter events hold a lot for me, contain a great deal of lesson and messages but here’s the thing I want to share; we all reach a moment, a time in our lives when what we want or what we need or what we long for….simply put, there is a time we must cross to the other side to continue the journey of self. While our need intensifies we might begin to get, well like that darling little squirrel (oh I’m so sorry little critter, bless your heart) and run out, darting, dashing, stopping, dodging…

But we have choices. We could choose to forgo the longing, need, want and settle back into the safety of the side we’re on; you know the safer side of the fence. Or we could do the squirrel thing hoping to make it and sometimes we do. Or we can set our sights for the other side trusting, knowing, believing a safe crossing will open up, there is passage…

”The way is shown. The path is clear.” Tara Singh
A footnote:

This great photo is by a dear friend of mine Brent Prince. I adore his work and hope he doesn't mind me using it here. He titles this one When Deer Talk Back, kind of perfect as I am a true believer animals speak to us, offer us lessons, messages. Having been run over by a great big tractor/trailer, my reaction watching that squirrel may have kicked in a little PTSD, had the other folks at the gas station known they might not have looked at me so oddly as this little-no-legged-girl sobbed filling her Equinox. I don’t know, just thinking. But what I heard, learned from all these critters is way more than what I have shared here. Okay, a brief bit of comfort for me and maybe a few of you ‘critter’ lovers is this, I had once heard a talk given by a woman (sorry can’t recall her name) who said she believed, knew, that animals are gifted to have their spirits/souls leave their bodies prior to death…may it be so.



Wednesday, July 24, 2013

Wacky, Wondrous, Whatever Wednesday

"Recently a long lost friend & I had the chance to meet up online. This person once was a dear and special part of my life. I hurt this person and that act has tormented the deepest part of my heart &soul for a very long time. It is inspiring to me how the human heart has the ability to forgive at that deep of level. This person spent their time trying to ease my sorrow & release the deep part of my soul from the regret & sadness that resides there. That degree of forgiveness and kindness motivates me to forgive people I feel have hurt me over what now seems trivial matters. I guess that forgiveness is what I feel is the priceless gift. The ability to forgive ones self to that same degree is a ongoing struggle that so far in life eludes me. I was however reminded why this person was such a special part of my life & I will always be grateful for knowing them." ~ Anonymous
Later, Anonymous wrote, "...all of the soul searching for some huge revelation or epiphany, was as simple and as complicated as a single word. Forgiveness..." Anonymous then refers to Don Henley's song The Heart of the Matter, "I think it's about forgiveness...", Anonymous writes, " after all of this, I found that in matters of the heart it is JUST the heart that matters, and I found me..."
These words and the purity of feeling which emanates from them are deeply, richly, boldly wondrous.
Journey of the heart requires boldness, and as we reach one level, in order to progress to another area (if we so choose) a new level of boldness must be achieved. I'm not sure I have that next level of boldness within me, not yet anyway, but because I choose to journey on, it must be summons.

In the pursuit of this 'boldness' there must be a softening of the heart. Softening requires exposure, not full exposure for that is too complicated, too painful, too scary but just enough of a peeling back to view the next leg (oh pardon the pun) of the journey. A peeling back to see the messy pieces and parts of my heart. It's that which begins the softening and softening is ouchy and achy, a real physical ache as the heart is kneaded, conditioned...softened.
(In mentoring and life coaching I find many people choose not to journey on but rather want contentment where they are. As you might guess I nudge them to stretch into the 'boldness'.)
At my prayer place today the softening commenced and I ache. I pondered Anonymous' words and exposed heart, my own exposing heart and my sorted life...I went to the night of my accident, to the point where I knew I was dying, bleeding to death, to those frantic yet peaceful heart beats, and was reminded what I learned in those moments, reminded of something else Anonymous wrote, the most important thing isn't things, it is love. Love, a simple four letter word holds within itself so much emotion and feeling, including forgiveness.
I could write on and on but I believe if you've read this you take it to your heart and there make it matter for you. I do have, however, an affirming after thought, a thought which isn't shared by many life coaches but one I have known from my personal life experience; life is not easy, it's hard, life is really, really hard but when you get down to the heart of the matter, when you peel back the human layers (and in most lives there are a lot of human layers), when you commence with the ache of softening, and begin to expose the rawness of who and what you are, there in is truth and while life is hard, what is true is simple.
I inhale deeply and exhale fully. I lovingly place my hand on my heart center, holding your heart, holding Anonymous heart, holding my own heart...with boldness let us journey on and experience what lies at the heart of what matters...forgiveness, love, the simple trues...


Friday, July 19, 2013

Light and Dark or Dark and Light

Light said to Dark, “Come let me show you my Light.”
Light’s word became a lamp unto Dark’s path, easing Dark’s fear and anxiety, calming Dark’s uncertainty.

Dark entered and was bathed in Lightness.
Light and Dark were filled with joy and they came together creating, giving birth to Shadow.

Elated, Dark said to Light, “Come let me show you my Dark.”
As Light followed, both Light and Dark noticed the light upon Dark’s path and this calmed Light’s uncertainty, easing fear and anxiety.

Light entered but wasn’t completely bathed in Darkness, so Dark said, “Maybe you must come further in.”
As Light did, awe struck both, Light and Dark. Illuminated before them were undiscovered secret places filled with hidden riches and treasures tucked in Darkness.

During times when I am surrounded by Darkness I need not fear it, succumb to it, or dismiss Light for as much as Dark is, so is Light. I must understand there is as much Lightness which surrounds me as there is Darkness and vice a versa. And while I dwell in one, (and dwelling in Dark, I now know is as needful as dwelling in Light), the other exists for me as well. This understanding brings an awareness that where there is Light there cannot be complete Darkness and because Dark remains there cannot be complete Lightness; thus we have exposure, shadow, opposition, balance. They, Light and Dark, exist as a balance to the beauty of life. Arriving to this knowing calms uncertainty, eases fear and anxiety, revealing hidden riches of my secret places and treasures of my Darkness, bathing me in Lightness.


Isaiah 45:3 “And I will give thee the treasures of darkness, and hidden riches of secret places, that thou may know that I, the Lord, which call you by name am the God of Isreal.”
Isaiah 45:7 “I form the light and create darkness: I make peace and create evil: I the Lord do all these things.”

Yogi Bhajan : “You are a human being. Hu means halo, light, which we all have. Man means mental. Being means for the time being. For the time being, you are a mental halo of light.”
Psalms 119:105 “Thy Word is a lamp unto my feet, and a light unto my path.”



Wednesday, May 29, 2013

Wacky, Wondrous, What If Wednesday

What inspires and motivates you? What makes your heart sing?

Posting this question on Facebook got only three responses, three very sweet comments. One, from my darling Krysta who said, “Pumpkins and Fall”. The other two mentioned me. “Me” was certainly not where I was going with the questions but it does follow what I was leading to.

 What I was posing and what I am posing here is simply this, “What inspires and motivates you?”

You probably will find your answer doesn’t cost much if anything at all, but it is priceless.

Today, right now, when you state what inspires and motivates you, and yes I want you to state it out loud, claim your motivation and inspiration, be surrounded by whatever it is. As you approach and travel through your Wednesday, seek out your inspiration and motivation.

Are you noticing that which inspires and motivates you really is closer than you thought, closer than you realized?

What if you could go about your daily life and be surrounded, submerged in those things, people, places, happenings which inspire and motivate? Would your heart joyfully sing?

As you crawl into bed at the end of this Wondrous Wednesday, state out loud again and feel deep within your singing heart, gratitude for that which inspired and motivated you today.


I’d love, love, love to hear how this worked for you. Please leave me a comment here or email me or Facebook me or call me…..I’m so over the moon excited to know how this simple act makes your heart sing today.

Hey can you believe we are almost half way through this year? Have you met or are you meeting your goals, seizing your dreams? In honor of the half way point, in honor of the approaching Solstice, I’m offering my 6 week life coaching program for half price.

6 one on one sessions, the online program, unlimited emails
a complete wonderful metamorphic change for only $249


Contact me for a no cost but downright fun consultation and get ready to spread your wings and fly through the rest of 2013; it’ll make your heart sing!


Friday, May 24, 2013

Elementary School, Memorial Day, A Dolphin's Tail, Gratitude

One of my new favorite things to do is to go into elementary school classrooms and share Winter's Tale. I love reading Winter's story to the kids.  I love how almost every student, even the rough n' tough boys want to give my darling stuffed Winter with her removable prosthetic tail a hug as they depart. I love bringing awareness to amputation and how no matter what befalls us life remains beautiful, we can choose to be happy, and how kindness matters. I love opening up discussion with these amazingly brilliant young people.

Originally I was only going to go in and read to classes during the month of April as it's limb loss awareness month. But, as word got around the readings continued and requests to come in the first of the next school year are being made. This is going to be a really good thing.

The discussion time with the students is, well like I write above, as amazing and brilliant as they are.

A 2nd grader ask, "How do you swim?"

After I explained when I kick I go no where but I have strong arms and I'm learning to free style and I can doggie paddle very well, I said, "But I think I'm going to get a mermaid tail." Oh, the little girls were in awe, they all want a mermaid tail and they wish we could go swim with Winter this summer.

When I first went into the schools I told the teachers, "All questions are open." And, I learned after the first reading, to allow and nudge the thought process...

Right before the end of our time together, one final question from a 5th grader, "Do you have disappointment?"

Wowers, profoundly powerful! I knew this was a moment of responsibility and teachibility. "Yes. Do you have disappointments?" She shook her head affirming and I continued. "We all do. Maybe you don't make the basketball team or you get a 'C' on a test you thought you'd get an 'A' on. Maybe your parents are going through divorce. We all experience disappointment in life but disappointments, failures, even successes don't define us but they can refine us, they can make us better."

Last Friday I had about 60 2nd graders followed by that many 3rd graders. The discussions went across the board without a lull. Some of the questions were,  how do you get dressed, has your hand ever slipped into the toilet when you get on to go potty, how do you drive, do people make fun of you, why didn't you black out, what is it to black out, yeah, why didn't you black out, what did your legs look like right after you got ran over....then at the close of my time with them one more question from a 3rd grader, "If you could go back in time would you change what happened?"

This weekend, Memorial Day, marks the 16th year of my accident. For the past few days I have contemplated this question. I can see the innocent face of the young boy who asked the question, the way he cocked his head waiting for my response. It's a question I have often asked myself but had not ever been asked it by someone else in such a pure way before. My response remains,"I am so very human and if I would have no memory of what I have experienced I probably wouldn't have gone to the construction yard that night and open the gate. But, being here with you, knowing what I know now, having had wonderful experiences and meeting the wonderful people I have, no, I wouldn't go back and change anything."

I am deeply grateful for the opportunity to read Winter's Tail to kids. I am deeply grateful for the next generation of individuals. I am deeply grateful for Winter and her story, her happy face...I am deeply grateful for this life experience and how it has lead me to mix and mingle with the people I have...I am deeply grateful for the refining process even as I continue to ooze with humanness...I am deeply grateful for what my feet and legs had done for me, the places they took me, their service for me while with me. I am grateful to have run, to have felt squishy mud between my toes, to have had tall summer grass tickle my ankles, to have studied ballet...And, I am grateful for all that is yet to be...

Photo: This face is sure to brighten your day! Help us #Caption this adorable pic of Winter striking a pose for the camera!
You can go to for updates on this gorgeous girl.
This photo fills me with joy. What I see in her is what I feel in me.

Wednesday, May 8, 2013

Wacky Wondrous Whatever Wednesday

"When you understand who and what you are,
your radiance projects into the Universal radiance
and everything around you becomes creative
and full of opportunity."
Yogi Bhajan
Don't you love this quote? Read it and reread it. Soak it in. Let it pentrate your very being. Understanding who you, who I, who we are is simple yet complex. But if we simply sit at the seat of our own Universe and listen from the root of our own Soul and then allow our actions, words, thoughts, to occur from that space of our Being, well then, I believe we are radiating. I believe we actively create, seeing and seizing our boundles opportunities. And, as the tomorrows come we will naturally begin to flow, dance, eminate, move from this Divine, Glorious, BeautyFull state. Don't fight it, don't worry about it, don't doubt it, just go, begin to see yourself from the great Universe within, there is so much more to you than meets the eye. You are Love in the puriest state, yes you are. Go there and simply open up, allow your radiance to project, to shine and I promise Whatever befalls you you will still see how Wondrous your Wednesday is.

Sunday, April 14, 2013


When I recorded my 2013 life vision I declared, "I dwell within and seize the every flowing opportunities which bring awareness and alter the paradigm of beauty, age, ability. I inspire and encourage others to create abundant greatness in their lives."

And the opportunities have come and are flowing. They aren't necessarily comfortable for me but they are wonderful. They require stretch, a reach beyond, a summons of courage from a new depth.

I squirmed watching the video and of course, the Brothers Gremlin showed up. So I met them and greeted them and instead of shrinking with their questions I ask those questions to you, I send them out to the universe, "Am I bringing awareness? Am I altering the paradigm? Am I inspiring and encouraging?"

When the videographer came to my home she noticed my 'art'. So this is a point, a simple starting place to highlight, to ask, did you see more, notice more, are you inspired?

Spectrum Interview

This collage is on the video. I created it prior to my surgery last June. Did you read its message?

"then she realized how much she would have missed had the caterpillar
chosen to be content rather than brave"

Julia Frehner's photo.

And beneath the layers is written the names of individuals who were a part of  my journey to that point. The intent being that all I am, where I am going, where I have come from, I did not do, arrive, or gotten through without others.

We are all connected. We need each other. We are, right at this moment, perfect, complete, whole, beautiful, divine beings which dwell in limitless possibilities. And, as created beings, we create, therefore tomorrow, regardless of what life brings, we have the freedom to create our beautiful, joyful life.

Wednesday, March 27, 2013

Wacky, Wonderous, Whatever Wednesday

Over the past few months I have been working with our local amputee support group. Last month was our first meeting of the year and we had a darn good turn out. This month not so much, one brave beautiful man showed up. The following is the reason why only one showed up but the following is also my wacky idea, goal, mission, (deep sigh here) silly planning of which, regardless of what anyone may think, I will not give up on.

For weeks I promoted this month’s support group activity; bowling. Yes, I thought it would be a wonderful opportunity to gather together as fellow amputees and do something a little different, something, which I thought many in our group might contemplate attempting. And why not? It would be a stretch, we’d have to figure things out, we’d be a group who could laugh with and at each other because we have this commonality.

Sadly, when I spoke to everyone (in our group that is) most thought ‘they’d be busy with other things’ or, and I respect the honesty, said, “I can’t do that.” CAN’T is such a foul four letter word, isn’t it.

So Monday, this beautiful brave double amputee, one above the knee and one below, arrived in his prosthetics with is cane and bowled with me. I was in my chair, well a few times I thought the ball was going to roll me out of it, but I stayed in my chair and, even though he and I used the bumpers, we bowled; there was no ‘can’t’ about it, we bowled.

Were we great bowlers? Nope, but even when I had legs, real ones, I wasn’t a great bowler. Did we have a blast? Absolutely. Did others get a kick out of us? Yup. We all laughed, relaxed, and simply had fun. And I know beyond any shadow of doubt, if the others in our group would have shown up, they’d simply have done the same; laughed, relaxed, had fun.

We bowled with my leg maker, one of the guys I work with who happens to be a phenomenal 300 kind of bowler, and cute Kendra who heads up the amputee support group. They have all their body parts so they didn’t get the bumpers.

 Anyway, as we were bowling I kept thinking about why do really good bowlers, like Mr. Phenomenal 300 Score Bowler get handicaps? Because they’re so darn good, there has to be a handicap given to make the playing field or the bowling alley more competitive. Am I right here in my thinking? So, for wheelchair girls like me, or toddlers on new prosthetics like me, or those on old prosthetics, or anyone with any ‘handicap’ even if it’s not like mine, let me ask you, “How do you choose to be identified with the word HANDICAP?” I say you are so darn good!

Now here’s my mission, my goal, my idea, as wacky as it may sound ~ I believe there needs to be a new paradigm for age, beauty, and ability. And if that means I have to keep begging folks to come out and do something a little outside their comfort zone,  or committing to a mini tri this autumn, or going to elementary classes and reading Dolphin’s Tail; well...wacky, wondrous, whatever… so it shall be!

Saturday, March 23, 2013

I Thought It Was Simply Weed Pulling

A late winter snow followed by early spring 70 degree temperatures causes buds and bulbs and weeds to pop. Maybe it was that, weeds popping up which lured me out to the gardens early Friday morning. For days I intended to begin tiding up the gardens out front as they are areas I see with each coming and going. For whatever reason though I plopped out of my chair into the strawberry patch which, being on the north side of the house and behind the mulcher, is a spot I must wander out to see. Settling down where I didn’t intend should have been a clue I wasn’t simply going to be pulling weeds.
Oh it had been such a long time since I sat with Mother Earth but it only took a few minutes for me to be drawn into a meditative communion with her. I began pulling out the ground cover of fresh weeds, the 5 foot dried up stocks of deceased wild sunflowers, but it’s when I got to the wild mullein which had set up residence in the strawberry patch last summer that Mother began sharing her wisdom.
Strawberry leaves have begun to emerge from the core of their decay. The tendrils which had extended out last season are dry and brittle, no new life at the ends. But at mullein, even with dry, brittle tendrils, there is new strawberry plant life.

I had to explore mullein’s space. She had new beautiful leaves sprouting from her center. Her older leaves remained vibrant through Old Man Winter’s harsh cold temperatures, his pounding sleet, bitter winds, and frosty snows. In fact, enduring such, her thick, velvety, layered leaves reached out wide around her. Gently I lifted up her leaves. I brushed through them.
Unlike the ground surrounding her which was dry, cracked, and hard, beneath her the ground was moist, pliable, even somewhat warm. There I found deaths debris. Some of her blackened, withered leaves gave way, others were merging back into Mother Earth, while a few remained, tightly clinging to her.  I found a decaying mouse who must have sought shelter under her warm inviting blanket. I wonder if she made an effort to save him and if her heart broke when the tiny creature succumb to Winter’s doing.

I couldn’t bring myself to pull her out, remove her from the place she chose to set up home. So there she remains, in the center of my strawberry patch. She offers herself, welcoming, expanding, giving. Sitting next to Mullein, the sun in position, I look down and notice our shadows had merged. Together we were one, stretched out across Mother Earth being warmly kissed by Sun.
When I signed up for Jane Cunningham’s course, Facing the Minotaur, ( I didn’t fully understand that which we would be embarking on. I wasn’t sure I understood shadow and darkness beyond the literal sense. Not sure how to expose and greet mine. My life has been about overcoming the dark, scary parts. Through Mullein, Mother, Sun, Jane and our circle of sisters, I think I’m learning at a deeper, richer level that it is the merging, the coming together and the giving into, the need for balance of light and dark, and without death there is no life. The greeting of my shadows with a desire to know them, to hear their message, and receive their gifts, to experience living with my shadow self as a benevolent friend….

Events in my life are quickly occurring, stirring, requiring me to stretch beyond my comfort zone, out of the known light and into a dark unknown. Will I awaken to it? Am I ready to journey farther into the labyrinth of life? Will I panic, flee from the shadows which follow and those which lurk deeper in? Will I summons the courage to face Minotaur?....
I ventured out to strawberry patch. Today the Maiden of Spring is blowing a cold north wind. What does Mullein do? She simply dances with Spring. I notice the light shining into Mulleins velvet, sage colored leaves exposing her veins. She is alive at many levels. I turn to wheel back in and notice her shadow. It too is dancing with Spring; her shadow is simply dancing with her.

Wednesday, February 20, 2013

Wacky, Wondrous, Whatever Wednesday

Been home all day which is quite wacky as I have taken a part time job, yikes yes, a J O B and I've been cleared, with no restrictions (sort of), to begin training which includes toddling all over again. So, between working and training and walking (okay toddling, but have ditched the forearm crutch while in the gym), to have a day home is very rare for me these days.

But the new washer (after nearly 10 years of service the old one gave up the ghost) and dryer delivery guys who must not venture north of St George as they were in shorts and were certain they would get the truck and trailer stuck in the snow, came today. As typical not every thing went as planned (got the wrong type of dryer) and they happened to arrive when Elder Frehner called from the airport. Ugggg, crazy timing and darn mix ups.

After appliances were moved in and out, hooked up, sent back, and my wondrous conversation with Garth, wowsers he's on his way to Colombia, I took advantage of the time home and with a head full of things I'm busting to blog about, I wrote. After several hours, what I'd been writing turned out to be really too deep and heavy for me. Needing a break, I went about forwarding Garth's last email to family and friends. In so doing I re-read his PS which I absolutely adore, here it is ~

"PS in Ether chapter 3 or 4. I can't remember. The brother of Jared pleads with God to bring light to the stones so they can have light in their vessels. God lights all 16 stones one by one. When he finishes the brother of Jared's faith is so strong that he was able to see the finger of God which was made out of flesh and bone. Pretty cool experience for him. But also we all need to remember that as God's children we are those stone and someone is always praying for us to be lit by the light of Christ. Even if we already have it, it can still grow brighter."

Then browsing around Facebook I came upon this Rumi quote ~

"The light which shines in the eye is really the light of the heart. The light which fills the heart is the light of God, which is pure and separate from the light of intellect and sense."

Don't ya just love that!

In what I was writing (and at some point will finish) there was a place where I wrote about on the day before Jeff crossed over how there was such a brightness in his eyes. As I was writing it I could see that vision so clearly, I could see that brightness. Was it possibliy the light of his heart being filled with the light of God?

And, as I was talking with Garth, I noticed such a lightness in his voice, an unencumbered ready for this new adventure lightness.

Now, hours after I began writing, this is where I've ended up. While it's far away from where I began today, the 'message' really remains the same, love in its purest state illuminates. I wrote ~
"Love is an emotion as vast as the Universe outside us and the Universe within us. Love holds a variety of emotion in and of itself. Have we not in love felt fear, euphoria, joy, guilt, and compassion? The emotions not only go on and on but continue to vary until love becomes conditional, defined, even something to be scared of. (Oh, but remember Jules, it only takes the altering of the c and a to turn scared into sacred.)"

Can we see, can I see, the sacred stone of my heart? As love gets smothered with stuff, emotional and human stuff, it seems to dim. Only when we peel back all the stuff and expose love in its pure, raw state can it, we, I then be touched, as Garth says, like the stones. There in our vessel, we truely experience the light of God which is just that ~ love in its pure, raw state. And from that state we can love purely, we can have faith, we can trust and pray and illuminate and have joy in our being...

Oh my, I am simply busting with so much but hopefully in all this you find something wacky, wondrous, whatever or even something which makes you wonder, what if.

Wednesday, February 6, 2013

Wacky, Wonderous, Whatever Wednesday

Not sure why, maybe being extra tired driving into work, possible PMSing, could be natural humanness and it occasionally happens, or simply because I really needed to get my car washed, I don’t know, but the Brothers Gremlin caught hold of me with the ‘enoughs’. “You didn’t make enough pulled pork for Garth’s farewell. Are you writing enough to Garth? You aren’t sending the packages out to him in a timely enough manner. Are you grateful enough to those who have helped him? You definitely are not a strong enough walker. You aren’t brave enough to even be a walker. Are you walking enough? Are you a good enough life coach? Why don’t you have enough clients? Are you drinking enough water? Are you eating enough greens? Absolutely not; you are not drinking enough water. Why isn’t there enough moisture for this time of year?”  

Okay, at this point I respond back to Brothers Gremlin asking, “How is not enough moisture this winter my fault?”

“Are you praying enough?” This is about the point where the nasty Brothers pull out the noose of guilt and I place it around my neck like it’s some beautiful heirloom jeweled necklace. Glancing at myself in the rearview mirror, maybe to see if the ‘necklace’ was on right, only fueled them more, “You are certainly looking old enough.”

They reveled and taunted for the entire 45 minute drive into town. Exiting I-15 onto surface streets they sarcastically continued, “Isn’t your car dirty enough for you?” And there, on my right, was Fabulous Freddie’s. “That’s right, here will be enough for you,” they cackle for they know how stressed I get going through a drive through carwash.

Pulling up to the pump to top off my gas tank so to get the discount, the young attendant asks, “Would you like me to fuel you?”

“Yes, that would be so helpful cause I don’t have any legs,” I say.

Ugggg the Brothers caught that one, “It wasn’t enough to simply say yes please, was it?”

The fuel attendant sends me to the carwash attendant who hands me a carwash menu. This is where my heart begins to race. Seeing I’m becoming over whelmed, she asks, “Would you like the interior done also?”

“No, I don’t really want to get out of my car,” I say as calmly as possible.

“Well, then, just choose from this section,” she kindly says pointing to the right side of the menu.

I make a selection, pay my tab and proceed forward. After making the turn, there’s no backing out. “You’re a very bad backer upper anyway,” those Gremlins howl.

Now, at the entrance, at the point where there’s the list of rules, where the guider-in attendant is surely going to roll his eyes at me as I make every attempt to align my tires up with the grabber thing, this is when I have to begin controlling my breath, focus myself so not to have a panic attack. Oh, God, did I put it in neutral too soon? Don’t hit the brakes, don’t hit the brakes…

Today, at about the place where the recycled carwash water mixes with the soap which-comes-from-where making the interesting pink and blue suds, two things dawned on me.

The first; a drive through carwash is a lot like life. There are times when things are such a yucky mess all you can do is wash it out. When those moments come, and you know it, you’ve got to be brave enough (yep I said it BRAVE ENOUGH, and you are, for Pete’s sake, brave enough) to face it head on, even as those Brothers Gremlin taunt. There’s no backing up, even if you are a good backer upper. Then, especially when it’s really hard to do so, you gotta line yourself up just right. Who cares if others roll their eyes at you, you gotta get aligned with the grabber thing, put it in neutral, and let someone else take over. Okay, and I’m not one to really follow the rules, but don’t brake, whatever you do, don’t brake until you’re out. When it gets a little dark and shaky, know it’s going to be okay, there’s some interesting colors to be made out of the recycled water and soap, look for them. This is the best part as things get all lathery, enjoy it, it all rinses away, down the drain and you won't go with it. Fear not the high blower. But, allow yourself to be blown away because you’re going to emerge with a fresh clean view on your amazing, authentic, gorgeous life…

At the point where the recycled water met the soap, yes, I had a wonderful epiphany on life and the carwash. Now, will I wait another gazillion months and be tormented by the Brothers Gremlin before I get my car washed again, probably so, but it will be with less stress and a new approach.

Oh, the second thing that hit me there? It dawned on me why every one of the attendants said, “Have a fabulous day.”


Thursday, January 10, 2013

Mission Statement

Mission Statement


I am interested in your life, your story, your journey and I desire for you ~

v  To recognize your pristine divinity; you are a child of God, the Universe, Creative Source, etc. who is loved beyond measure.

v  To view the endless possibilities you dwell in and seize them.

v  To bravely unshackle your full creativity and potential.

v  To awaken to the knowledge that all things can be made purposeful and that you are of great importance and purpose; no one else can fulfill that which you are called to do.

v  To know you are limitless; you joined this world without a ceiling, therefore, yes, you are limitless.

v  To receive and use, with meaningful gratitude, the constant flow of gifts of which God, the Universe, Creative Source, etc. has for you.

v  To meet, befriend, become partners with the beautiful one you are seeking; You.

v  To fall deeper and deeper in love with your life; your perfect, joyful, radiant journey of life.

 “Believe in loves infinite journey, for it is your own, for you are love. Love is Life.” ~ Rumi

I am here for you, to cheer you on, be your greatest fan, to guide you as you dream, create, fly!
All the while, keeping it so simple.


Saturday, January 5, 2013

Back Home

Have you ever had something you thought was so right, even though it was something you've been wrestling with, something that some how just wasn't jiving no matter which way you approached it and then in an awaking moment it becomes so simple, so clear; it's just not right?

For over a month I've really been wanting my other blogspot, to come alive, take off, fly, but there was always a sense of resistance, a feeling that it wasn't me. Oh, the collage I created for it is me, the writings posted there are me, I am grateful for the readers who have ventured there for me, and the resistance, wrestling of the site was, is me, but for what and why I couldn't figure out until this morning.

Waking up this morning I truly had an awaking, a wide awake clarity of what my problem has been, why the resistance ~ "keep it so simple." That's it, I'm failing to keep it so simple! I felt with my new play ground of life coaching, starting over without my knee, getting back into training, a new year, on and on, that somehow I had to start a new site, a new place, but the new place never felt like home. Inside I was missing this place. And, with how difficult everything has been over the past 6 months with the surgeries, my loss, work, learning to stand, attempting to walk, on and on, I thought this, writing, sharing, connecting had to somehow be a bit more difficult too, that so much was starting over, this, my space, my place, had to start over when simply I needed to pick up right where I am and start.

So, here I am, back home, where I should have remained. The posts prior to dreamcreatefly are what brought me to there and from there to here and here to where I am and where I am going, there, here, where, it's all connected, extensions, part of the whole of my adventurous, amazing, crazy, wild, beautiful life.

The parts are never greater than the sum and my parts are made up of dreaming, creating, flying. It's in the flying, no, from the soar, when I can look down and view the whole. From this perspective I can see clearly that life simply comes with its share of challenges, or invitations as I prefer. I don't need to make life any more arduous, I am free to simply choose to keep so simple.

But, we're still going to dream and dream big and take those dreams to create wonders and spread our gorgeous wings and fly then soar and glide taking in the amazing view of life. Welcome Home!