Since Last Sunday

Keeping It So Simple was created to simply journal my 49 year journey through life, keeping a record of the lessons foraged along the way. After writing last Sunday’s post, I kept going back to re-read it. Within the writing I completely see the message, the lesson; an answer simply provided to me from my morning experience as a response to my request of the Lord. But there was something more, something else so blatantly and clearly given to me which I didn’t, wouldn’t, even arguably refused to receive. My strong refusal waft not only through Sunday but continued for the past five days. The more obstinate I became the more God and Goddess; Father and Mother subtly revealed, gently offered, tenderly loved the message, “Everything you need you have in the moment.”

Since last Sunday, I have read several blog posts written by extremely talented, inspiring, soulful individuals. I have viewed dozens of heartfelt messages on Facebook. I have received loads of emails and newsletters. One of those newsletters, from http://www.elephantjournal.com, opened with a quote from Crazy Horse, “It’s a good day to die.” This quote has come to me several times over the past few months often preceded with, “Hokahey,” which means something like, “Let’s do this.” Completing the quote, “Hokahey, it’s a good day to die.” ~ In the Elephant Journal Newsletter an explanation of the quote is provided; “A belief that one should never live a moment of one's life with any regrets, or tasks left undone. Which would make today as good a day as any to die."

Since last Sunday, I have been to physical therapy twice. Thursday was my sixth visit but the first time I noticed a particular poster on the wall. It’s Yoda, yes, Yoda from Star Wars, and on the poster it reads, “Do or Do Not. There is No Try.” This quote from Yoda has come my way several times over the past few months. What’s interesting about the quote, which I had never heard until several months ago, is that the philosophy of the quote is something I have used many times in my talks. Even in the most recent one given last month, in which I reference there is no trying in life we are either doing it or not doing it. Some days we just do life better than others.

Since last Sunday, I have spent more time whispering prayers, emerging deeper in meditation, chanting more mantras, and, three times I have pulled the Patience card from Doren Virtue’s Archangel Oracle Deck. There is paint splashed around as I have FEARLESSly played, inspired by Connie Hozvicka’s BIG http://www.dirtyfootprints-studio.com. And, from Pixie Campbell’s SouLodge http://pixiecampbell.typepad.com, I have engaged more with Mother Earth, learning from Her with a new perspective. I also listened to a recorded message by Chameli Aragh of http://www.awakeningwomen.com in which she says something like, “…surrender yourself…pay attention to each moment as it’s an experience to offer self…”

Since last Sunday, sleep evaded me several nights. I got up, wheeled outside, and gazed into the vast, deep, midnight sky. I sought Luna knowing that just seeing her would bring joy. The brilliance of the stars from my little country home will continue to take my breath away. Each night, as I looked up into the infinite sky I was reminded of something I had written back in May, “…the depth of our being…is as the universe… beyond the beyond…”

Since last Sunday, there has been a lovely praying mantis outside my kitchen door. Each day, I politely acknowledged her, grateful she’s ‘hanging’ around knowing what good she does for the gardens. But, today, I could no longer over look ‘why’ she was here, patiently here, with me. Mantis is a Greek word meaning prophet. Praying mantis is symbolic of spirituality, intuition, balance, meditation, creativity, contemplation, mindfulness, and represents patience.  

Since last Sunday, it took all of these experiences, words, individuals, for me to finally breathe in with acceptance and expansion the ‘something more,’ the ‘something else’, the message, “Everything you need you have in the moment.”

As a reader you may wonder, “What’s the problem with such a sweet, simple message? Why did it take you five days, Jules, to get here?”

Last Sunday, when I first heard it, the message, I sat up and said, “So, you’re telling me the afternoon of February 13, 2006, Jeff received in ‘the moment’ everything he needed? That while an ICU nurse was standing over him on his hospital bed forcing fluids into his IV’s, while an ER doctor shouted orders to staff manning the crash cart beside his bed, while his head and face turned a deeper shade of purplish-gray, while a machine breathed for him; you’re telling me as death took my husband that ‘everything he needed he had in the moment?”

Before any response, I continued, “Okay, so maybe this isn’t about Jeff, maybe it’s about me. Maybe the message is only for me. I won’t even go to May 26, 1997; I’ll stay on February 13, 2006. So, you’re telling me that while I’m helplessly watching all of this going on in my husband’s ICU room, knowing our children, Jeff’s dad, mom, sisters, our family are sitting out in the waiting room wondering, praying, hoping, crying, as doctor, nurse, staff each look at me during intervals of life saving procedures, waiting for me to finally say, ‘Enough, it is enough, let him go,’ that ‘everything I needed I had in the moment?’”

For the first time, since last Sunday, I surrendered. I breathed it in. “Everything you need you have in the moment.” There is so much I don’t know, so much I don’t understand, so much I can’t wrap my head or my heart around, so much beyond the beyond that today, at this very moment I must trust everything I need I have in the moment. I must trust that everything Jeff needs he has in the moment. I must trust that everything you need you have in the moment.

I went outside the kitchen door to tell praying mantis I did it, I wrote it, I breathed it in and released it out.

She is gone…