An Unedited Delightful Mess

There still remains no explanation as to why I have been so dry in writing and yet, as always, there is no lack of inspiration for ‘it’ surrounds me. Simple every day experiences, the odd little things I tend to notice, an image, phrase, my goodness life is chock full of inspiration. There has even been an influx of synchronicities, sweet, amazing, synchronicities. If being chock full of inspiration or an influx of synchronicities isn’t enough to end the writing drought, well, the nearing end of this, my 49^th year journey, certainly should be.

As I finally approach this writing I find it disjointed, a bit messy, cluttered. This is me; even a sprinkling of my life in review over just a week seems messy; my head is cluttered. Could it be writing isn’t dried up but my thoughts, ideas, words are simply a cluttered mess? Is this a bad thing?

Could it be I must embrace the mess with gratitude that I recognize the inspiration, synchronicities, the anxiety, and powerful messages which I receive and which remain tucked inside the next seven or so days, tucked away waiting to be given during my next revolution around the sun. An influx of inspired life, amidst a disjointed clutter mess, gathered and brought together with and through the obvious and subtle synchronicities; therein gifts from the universe. Sharing this with any whom may read this post, I don’t necessarily think you’ll notice what creates my mess or what messages I receive but it is my hope you will be aroused to seek inspiration you’re chock full of, the influx of your synchronicities, identify your anxiety, discover the powerful messages the universe has for you.

I have been banking on my birthday to spring my writing back on track, taking time to simply write my clutter; however, this coming week is crazy busy and is one which will be taking me out of my comfort zone, literally. Today through Thursday I will be attending a Tree School intensive workshop at SUU. Okay, briefly I will explain. A few months ago I was asked to be on our town’s Tree City USA Committee. Feeling as if I was/am ready to get involved in ‘society’ again I said, “Yes.” I may have also said yes in part because the gentleman who asked me to participate on the committee had asked me a while back to be on a different committee and, at that time I said, “No.” The next day, this dear neighbor underwent quadruple bypass surgery. How could I say “No” this time? While being part of the Tree City USA Committee doesn’t require, but offers a four day intensive, our little town board and the gentleman who originally asked me to be on the committee, asked if I would attend. This will be a great opportunity for learning but I am scared, intimidated, and literally going out of my comfort zone.

Last night, while speaking with my oldest son, I mentioned to him my anxiety and other feelings with regards to this upcoming week, with taking this intensive at SUU. He said, “Mom, I think these feelings are good and I think it is good you are doing these things.”

I have been asked to narrate a Christmas program being held Wednesday evening. Not having spoken for months and because again I was/am feeling I’m ready to step out into ‘society’, I accepted. After all, I don’t have to write or memorize, only read, this really should not be a big deal. Now, with the Tree Class Intensive happening, I’m feeling more scared, more outside my comfort zone.

And, it’s my birthday this week; my 50^th or, as I choose to refer to it, my Joyful Jubilee. Already, yesterday, I returned home from a quick trip to Las Vegas. I was there with my sons to join my daughter who had planned a wonderful birthday celebration. My daughter made me my favorite dinner, eggplant parmesan, pasta, Caprese salad, and chocolate molten cake with fresh raspberries and whipped cream…yummie! Then, they took me to see the Lion King live.

At my mom’s, where this wonderful 50^th birthday dinner was held, there in the same space was my fabulous five. All of my children, my oldest had brought her beautiful three children, my mom, my sister; for a moment in time, in the same space, well, I can’t locate the words, the words are dry, Mom’s house cluttered with ‘us’, but the emotion, the feeling, the gathering, the view of magnificence, divine wonder…”There is nothing outside of us. It is all in us." ~ Yogi Bhajan

Watching the Lion King live was spectacular and I’m grateful for the opportunity to have seen it. A message, an inspiration, part of the synchronicities, creativity clearly there on that stage.. How cheesy is it to say, “…part of the circle of ‘my messy’ life.”

Friday, after the four day intensive, after the narration, after my birthday, after all of this ‘outside my comfort zone’, I will head up to Salt Lake to spend a few days with my oldest son. While up there, I chose to sign up for an art workshop. Even this is beginning to fill me with anxiety. I’ve only taken a few workshops online. I’ve never gone to a studio, with other students and done ‘art’. Although I’m really looking forward to this experience, again, it’s way out of my ‘comfort zone.’ It’ll be different doing an art workshop from some place other than the safety of my bedroom and with others watching besides BabyCat.

 Mixed in with these things I’ve written here, are other things which I’m doing, other things which have filled my inspiration, things which I view as synchronicities or part of anxiety, but all which accumulate to offer messages.

If you’ve read any of the posts from during the spring, I wrote often about the intuitive creative workshop I took called, BIG. Currently I’m in DEEP, which is the workshop following BIG. I can’t say enough what this ‘program’ has done for me. Recently I said to Connie, the facilitator of FEARLESS Painting, “BIG and DEEP has done more for me then the years and thousands of dollars spent on therapy.” In DEEP, among many things, I have come to adjust my thinking and definition of purpose and devotion. Also, DEEP calls for a deepening relationship with Creative Source. Deep calls unto Deep, I adore this scripture. You can find out more about FEARLESS Painting here http://www.dirtyfootprints-studio.com .

Last Monday evening I saw this video  ~ http://lds.org/pages/mormon-messages?lang=eng#create .  Regardless of your religious, spiritual beliefs or how you may feel about Mormon’s, I encourage you watch this under 2 minute video.

Later in the week I came across this video which is well worth the 10 minutes ~ http://www.facebook.com/l.php?u=http%3A%2F%2Ftedxtalks.ted.com%2Fvideo%2FTEDxSF-Louie-Schwartzberg-Grati&h=3AQEHFh6qAQG6fhmaIMDgw4BXQshU7DZiIT4YeoyA6mFfOQ

Along with taking DEEP, I’ve also recently finished up the Partnering with Spirit workshop. The facilitator of this workshop is my friend Lisa Dieken. She has provided me with guidance and tools which have enhanced my spiritual journey work. You can learn more about this workshop and Lisa over at http://www.wildcreativeheart.com .

A few weeks ago I had a long distance Reiki session by a dear friend Pam. I was kind of skeptical about it but it proved to be amazing. Pam is quite gifted. I am still reflecting and reaping the benefits from our session. If you’re interested, let me know, I can hook you up.

I’m also attempting to stay on track with Honoring the Divine Feminine Sadhana sponsored by Spirit Voyage. It began on Thursday, December 1st. If you’d like, you can find out more about the Sadhana here ~ http://www.spiritvoyage.com/GlobalSadhana/HonoringTheDivineFeminine. Seeking my own divinity has been part of my devotion on this, my 49^th year journey, and one which will continue on during this Joyful Jubilee.

On Friday, December 2nd, I was going through a stack of books and came across one which was given to me by my Mother-In-Law, Arlene, shortly before she passed away. I had forgotten about this book and was over joyed to rediscover it. It’s entitled The Wonder of Christmas 50 Meditations on the Birth of Christ. It offers morning and evening readings each day from December 1st thru the 25^th. Fanning the book open, I happened upon page 17 which is the 2^nd’s offering, but before going to the beginning of the writing, my eyes fell upon this sentence, “It is Mary, an extraordinary personality, upon whom the light of the Christmas story first falls.” What a powerful thought in honoring the divine feminine.

Pam, my Reiki friend, sent me a gift, two books and a Shaman CD. I, again fanned opened one of the books and randomly read, “…clutter and mess show us that life is being lived. Clutter is wonderfully fertile ground you can still discover new treasures under all those piles, clean things up, edit things out, fix things, get a grip. Tidiness suggests that something is as good as it’s going to get. Tidiness makes me think of held breath, of suspended animation, while writing needs to breathe and move…” From, Bird by Bird by Anne Lamott.

So there you go, there I have it, only a sprinkling of the inspiration, synchronicities, anxieties, experiences, “clutter” of my life from the past few days and the anticipation of the next few. “All of this and you remain dry?” I ask myself. No, not dry. I am on fertile ground. Life, my crazy, cluttered, oozing with humanness life springs up from this. Much has grown there in the fertile ground of my life and much remains left to say on this, my 49^th year journey. Now I shall take the joyous clutter which has accumulated and made up those 49 years and embark tomorrow on this, my Joyful Jubilee. I need not to perfect it, but share it, even if it only be with me, for in doing so I can’t help but clean up, edit, fix, get a grip, grow, expand, be me…writing, art, creativity, living the divinity within simply needs to breathe and move and continue to grow.