Sitting on the living room floor the eve of my 13th birthday, within the halo light cast down from the lamp on the end table, I admired my birthday cards. The dime was still taped within the one my Great Aunt Mary sent. Looking them over and over again, I decided my favorite one was of a cute pink poodle; once the card was completely opened there was a coloring page. I wondered if it was acceptable for a ‘teenager’ to color. Then, for some strange reason, I decided to calculate out what year I would graduate high school. “Holy Mackerel, 1979, the world will end before then,” was my exact thought. So, I decided, if the world is going to end, I’m going to color the picture within the card.
Half century, 50 years, that’s what I’m approaching December 2011. It seemed to be an event so far in the distant future that I never really thought much about it. When I did give it thought I kind of had the same self response as on my 13th birthday, “Holy Mackerel.”
I heard a quote recently which went something like…all of our parts have a positive intent and a negative potential. With this in mind, my thoughts expanded to add…and we hold the key of choice within our all. This morning I decided, since the world didn’t end in 1979 and Lord willing it won’t end in 2011, and I am going to not only face, but become a half century old, that I could choose to make this a 49th year journey. It is my desire for each day to hold positive intents and if I can’t divert, I hope to at least grow from any negative potentials which may come. I will choose to discover all of who I have become over a half century. As I go along, I intend to journal and share the discoveries with anyone who might want a glimpse or a laugh.
The thought then came to me that I have already missed so many days of my 49th year. Here now was my opportunity to back out. The voices of my inner critic and my self doubt began saying, “This is a big undertaking and you have no idea what you will do, you don’t really want to do this, are you sure you want to make a commitment to share your mundane life with others, I don’t think you can do it…” Oh my, on and on the voices went.
I again reflected back to the eve of my 13th birthday and began to calculate how many days have passed since my 49th birthday. From December 6th to December 31st there are 25 days and today is January 25th, so 25 days for this year, humm, that’s 50 days. It’s a sign!
While I have no idea where each day will lead, the ‘49th Year Journey’ has now begun…