Wheeling around the house today, I know I must have glanced out the front windows several times. I'm certain I would have noticed the glorious opening had it occurred earlier, which leads me to believe it just happened. Just like that, silently, this beautiful sunflower opens her head and lifts it to the sky, an over cast sky. It has been cloudy all day intermittent with showers.
The bit of rain has been, for me, quite welcoming. For days there have been dark billowing clouds, even thunder, but it has only been a tease from Mother as she withheld her rain. There are times when my heart, my soul feels more parched then the ground around me and just the feel of good rain refreshes. While I would like more, my soul has been soaking up the moister she has offered today. And, I believe, this sunflower has done the same.
Taking advantage of the weather, I chose not to work outside today and instead stayed inside and played in paint; finishing a painting which had been desperately calling for completion. While I painted, I listened to Snatam Kaur and Deva Premal (thank you Connie for the Deva Premal). Afterwards, I popped on my IPod and Michael W. Smith’s song Healing Rain came on. How perfect I thought and it seemed even more perfect when I saw this sunflower. Maybe this sunflower's heart was dry and all it needed was a little rain. There was no sun shining and it too had a troop of ants marching up and down all around it, but this trusting, newly emerged flower was unafraid to lift its head and be washed in the renewing, healing rain.
Since exploring the sacred feminine, encouraging the emergence of goddess, beginning Kundalini Yoga there has been this nagging negative voice in my head whispering, “You’ll have to give up Christ.”
“No, I don’t.” After writing yesterday’s post, chanting Ra Ma Da Sa mantra during last night’s prayer time, followed by reading more of Sue Monk Kidd’s book The Dance of the Dissident Daughter, awakening this morning to rain, getting lost in a FEARLESS Painting journey while listening to Sanskirt mantra, Kundalini, and Christian music, then seeing this sunflower; no, I don’t have to give up the Divine Christ while seeking, growing my own divinity.
I have known Christ since I was a child. He came to me then, when I was young, again at a desperate time in my mid 20’s. Jesus visited me while I was in the hospital and held me during the frightening, lonely nights when Jeff was in the hospital. More importantly, we knew each other before I knew about Christianity or the diversity of religions. He remained Himself as I investigated churches, as I joined a church. The key phrase here is, “He came to me.”
On this, my 49th year journey, as I begin to embrace my all encompassing divinity may I not forget the Divine companion who has and continues to journey alongside me. There will be times when a fire will need calming, times when I will be parched, wounded, shamed, times when I’ll need Him to come soak my dry heart with His healing rain.