W-3 Wednesday

This came across my Facebook feed last night.

My first thought was to scoop up this sweet little critter and bring her inside, dry off her wings, hold her until the storm passes, and then set her free.

My next thought was a memory; a memory of when I was in the hospital, just after being sent from ICU trauma to an isolation room. It was a mid-morning, having another unit of blood coming into me, all kinds of fluids, antibiotics, morphine...I was in and out. While all those things are clear in many of my memories from back then it is the memory of glancing over to my left and seeing my dad sitting next me.

This mid-morning, when I looked at my dad I caught him weeping. I had never in my 35 years of life ever, not once, seem my dad cry. During the space of time which we didn't say anything I had this beautiful thought, "If my dad, my Earthly dad is weeping for his daughter, how much is my Heavenly dad weeping for me?"

I know my dad was weeping for me, his daughter, feeling helpless, feeling like if he could he'd take this all away for me, he'd give me back my legs, he'd release the pain, he'd eliminate the fact that his oldest daughter might still die....oh I know the countless reasons why he was weeping and all the soulful, pure, unidentified reasons he was weeping. And I wondered, "If my dad is weeping like this for me how much more does my Heavenly dad weep for me?" but I didn't know...does He, my great God weep for me? He surely knows what has happened, what I'm going through....

Of course I smiled at my dad, letting him know I was going to be okay, really I assured him I would be okay. He dried his eyes, smiled back and we simply visited.

After he left I thought about the weeping Dad's but anger entered and I cried out to my Heavenly dad, "You could have stopped this, you could have made this less, you could have spared my legs, this is so damn unfair...." Yeah, if you know me, even in my drug induced self, I continued a really good fit throwing.

My fits typically end because I exhaust myself. And, at that time I exhausted more quickly than usual. As I lay there alone in my fit-exhausted-overly-divinely-drugged-state, my great God, my sweet Heavenly Father whispered, "As much as your Earthly dad weeps for you I weep even more. I weep more because yes, I could have stopped this, spared this from you but you, my daughter can weather this storm..."

This picture summonsed within me this memory, and as we all know memories which come with divine spiritual messages are beyond mere words. There is power in this picture for me eternal power, a reminder that in the storms of my life I must face them head on, in the down pour, in the bitter cold, remain steadfast and pray. As my heart breaks, as I, in my humanness struggle and throw fits, pray, I must continue to hold on and pray and know that my Heavenly Father wants to scoop me up and bring me in...my Heavenly Father can scoop me up and bring me in...but it's not time child, not yet. And I know this, while I'm there in the rage of the storm, I am not alone, He is there weeping for me, with me...and the storms will pass, my wings will dry, and because I did it, weathered it, prayed, and know my Father's love, I will fly stronger and higher....

Face your storms, pray though them, and believe me you are not alone...your Great God weeps for you, He is supporting you through, knowing once the storm passes and your wings dry out, you will soar! To His Greatness and Glory, Soar.

Wacky, Wondrous, Whatever Wednesday

This post has been simmering on the back burner of my mind for some time; completely unattended but left to simmer still. Maybe had I attended it, added a few ingredients or gently stirred it, it, this post might pour out a bit better. But I didn’t attend it; it attended me and in helplessly witnessing a tragic event unfold Monday I have been brought to this simmering post and pour out its contents be they smooth or lumpy….



On a very busy road I waited, sitting in the center lane, for the opportunity to turn into the fueling station. Vehicles were zip and zooming by me on both sides. To my left I a little movement on the roadway caught my eye; a squirrel. Oh my, there he was running, stopping, darting, dashing, in his attempt to avoid the tires speeding by. He made it across two lanes to the only safety he had, in front of my sitting-waiting-to turn car. At this point if I knew I could reason with a squirrel I’d have gotten out of my car in the middle of this bustling road and given him a lift to the other side.

Not being a squirrel whisperer, all I could do was pray and watch. While praying was, watching was probably not, the best thing for me to do. Out he went from the ‘safety’ of our center lane resuming his running, stopping, darting, dashing. Oh thank God, he made it across the first lane and yes it appeared he would make it had the approaching truck been going 50 mph and not 52. Just before he reached the other side he was hit.

Oblivious to all those zooming by, except me, I watched this furry little critter attempt to get up, his tail flipping wildly to bring him to his feet. Then another car, the last one needing to pass so I could turn…

Whenever I see a dead animal on the road I say, “Oh I’m so sorry little critter, bless your heart.” I don’t know, but I suppose if you know me you get it. One day, a few weeks ago, driving along I-15 to the big city, I made an attempt to I indentify all the critters I was blessing the hearts of. This particular day, while several were unidentifiable, there was a variety of critters. I blessed the hearts of several rabbits and snakes, a coyote, two raccoons, a few deer, and a cat. Wow, I thought how very sad they didn’t either stay on their side of the highway or didn’t make to the other side.

Then the very next day as I began my I-15 journey to the big city, a young buck (the four legged fur covered kind of young buck) caught my eye, really caught my eye, like eye contact, like deer-totem-I-have-a-message-for-you contact. Now I’m just getting on the freeway gassing it to join the other 75-80 mile-per-hourers and I’m making eye contact with a deer, feeling him.

He was pacing the fence line along the 15, pacing on the safer side of the fence. As I looked at him I felt his panic, his anxiety, my heart began to race as his was, our breath quicken and became shallow. I knew what he was thinking, “I have to get to the other side.” Whatever he wanted or needed, what he longed for was on the other side of a crazy, high traffic, fast moving interstate.

As I joined the other mile-per-hourers on the highway, I watched him from my rear view mirror. I prayed for him, for his safe crossing. I looked for him along both sides of the 15 from Blackridge to my exit for days, hoping to not have to say, “Oh I’m so sorry little critter, bless your heart.”

These critter events hold a lot for me, contain a great deal of lesson and messages but here’s the thing I want to share; we all reach a moment, a time in our lives when what we want or what we need or what we long for….simply put, there is a time we must cross to the other side to continue the journey of self. While our need intensifies we might begin to get, well like that darling little squirrel (oh I’m so sorry little critter, bless your heart) and run out, darting, dashing, stopping, dodging…

But we have choices. We could choose to forgo the longing, need, want and settle back into the safety of the side we’re on; you know the safer side of the fence. Or we could do the squirrel thing hoping to make it and sometimes we do. Or we can set our sights for the other side trusting, knowing, believing a safe crossing will open up, there is passage…

”The way is shown. The path is clear.” Tara Singh

A footnote:

This great photo is by a dear friend of mine Brent Prince. I adore his work and hope he doesn't mind me using it here. He titles this one When Deer Talk Back, kind of perfect as I am a true believer animals speak to us, offer us lessons, messages. Having been run over by a great big tractor/trailer, my reaction watching that squirrel may have kicked in a little PTSD, had the other folks at the gas station known they might not have looked at me so oddly as this little-no-legged-girl sobbed filling her Equinox. I don’t know, just thinking. But what I heard, learned from all these critters is way more than what I have shared here. Okay, a brief bit of comfort for me and maybe a few of you ‘critter’ lovers is this, I had once heard a talk given by a woman (sorry can’t recall her name) who said she believed, knew, that animals are gifted to have their spirits/souls leave their bodies prior to death…may it be so.

 

 

 

 

 

Wacky, Wondrous, Whatever Wednesday

"Recently a long lost friend & I had the chance to meet up online. This person once was a dear and special part of my life. I hurt this person and that act has tormented the deepest part of my heart &soul for a very long time. It is inspiring to me how the human heart has the ability to forgive at that deep of level. This person spent their time trying to ease my sorrow & release the deep part of my soul from the regret & sadness that resides there. That degree of forgiveness and kindness motivates me to forgive people I feel have hurt me over what now seems trivial matters. I guess that forgiveness is what I feel is the priceless gift. The ability to forgive ones self to that same degree is a ongoing struggle that so far in life eludes me. I was however reminded why this person was such a special part of my life & I will always be grateful for knowing them." ~ Anonymous

 

Later, Anonymous wrote, "...all of the soul searching for some huge revelation or epiphany, was as simple and as complicated as a single word. Forgiveness..." Anonymous then refers to Don Henley's song The Heart of the Matter, "I think it's about forgiveness...", Anonymous writes, "...so after all of this, I found that in matters of the heart it is JUST the heart that matters, and I found me..."

 

These words and the purity of feeling which emanates from them are deeply, richly, boldly wondrous.

 

Journey of the heart requires boldness, and as we reach one level, in order to progress to another area (if we so choose) a new level of boldness must be achieved. I'm not sure I have that next level of boldness within me, not yet anyway, but because I choose to journey on, it must be summons.

In the pursuit of this 'boldness' there must be a softening of the heart. Softening requires exposure, not full exposure for that is too complicated, too painful, too scary but just enough of a peeling back to view the next leg (oh pardon the pun) of the journey. A peeling back to see the messy pieces and parts of my heart. It's that which begins the softening and softening is ouchy and achy, a real physical ache as the heart is kneaded, conditioned...softened.

 

(In mentoring and life coaching I find many people choose not to journey on but rather want contentment where they are. As you might guess I nudge them to stretch into the 'boldness'.)

 

At my prayer place today the softening commenced and I ache. I pondered Anonymous' words and exposed heart, my own exposing heart and my sorted life...I went to the night of my accident, to the point where I knew I was dying, bleeding to death, to those frantic yet peaceful heart beats, and was reminded what I learned in those moments, reminded of something else Anonymous wrote, the most important thing isn't things, it is love. Love, a simple four letter word holds within itself so much emotion and feeling, including forgiveness.

 

I could write on and on but I believe if you've read this you take it to your heart and there make it matter for you. I do have, however, an affirming after thought, a thought which isn't shared by many life coaches but one I have known from my personal life experience; life is not easy, it's hard, life is really, really hard but when you get down to the heart of the matter, when you peel back the human layers (and in most lives there are a lot of human layers), when you commence with the ache of softening, and begin to expose the rawness of who and what you are, there in is truth and while life is hard, what is true is simple.

 

I inhale deeply and exhale fully. I lovingly place my hand on my heart center, holding your heart, holding Anonymous heart, holding my own heart...with boldness let us journey on and experience what lies at the heart of what matters...forgiveness, love, the simple trues...

 

Light and Dark or Dark and Light

Light said to Dark, “Come let me show you my Light.”

Light’s word became a lamp unto Dark’s path, easing Dark’s fear and anxiety, calming Dark’s uncertainty.

Dark entered and was bathed in Lightness.

Light and Dark were filled with joy and they came together creating, giving birth to Shadow.

Elated, Dark said to Light, “Come let me show you my Dark.”

As Light followed, both Light and Dark noticed the light upon Dark’s path and this calmed Light’s uncertainty, easing fear and anxiety.

Light entered but wasn’t completely bathed in Darkness, so Dark said, “Maybe you must come further in.”

As Light did, awe struck both, Light and Dark. Illuminated before them were undiscovered secret places filled with hidden riches and treasures tucked in Darkness.

~~~

During times when I am surrounded by Darkness I need not fear it, succumb to it, or dismiss Light for as much as Dark is, so is Light. I must understand there is as much Lightness which surrounds me as there is Darkness and vice a versa. And while I dwell in one, (and dwelling in Dark, I now know is as needful as dwelling in Light), the other exists for me as well. This understanding brings an awareness that where there is Light there cannot be complete Darkness and because Dark remains there cannot be complete Lightness; thus we have exposure, shadow, opposition, balance. They, Light and Dark, exist as a balance to the beauty of life. Arriving to this knowing calms uncertainty, eases fear and anxiety, revealing hidden riches of my secret places and treasures of my Darkness, bathing me in Lightness.

~~~

Isaiah 45:3 “And I will give thee the treasures of darkness, and hidden riches of secret places, that thou may know that I, the Lord, which call you by name am the God of Isreal.”

Isaiah 45:7 “I form the light and create darkness: I make peace and create evil: I the Lord do all these things.”

Yogi Bhajan : “You are a human being. Hu means halo, light, which we all have. Man means mental. Being means for the time being. For the time being, you are a mental halo of light.”

Psalms 119:105 “Thy Word is a lamp unto my feet, and a light unto my path.”

 

 

Wacky, Wondrous, What If Wednesday

What inspires and motivates you? What makes your heart sing?

Posting this question on Facebook got only three responses, three very sweet comments. One, from my darling Krysta who said, “Pumpkins and Fall”. The other two mentioned me. “Me” was certainly not where I was going with the questions but it does follow what I was leading to.

 What I was posing and what I am posing here is simply this, “What inspires and motivates you?”

You probably will find your answer doesn’t cost much if anything at all, but it is priceless.

Today, right now, when you state what inspires and motivates you, and yes I want you to state it out loud, claim your motivation and inspiration, be surrounded by whatever it is. As you approach and travel through your Wednesday, seek out your inspiration and motivation.

Are you noticing that which inspires and motivates you really is closer than you thought, closer than you realized?

What if you could go about your daily life and be surrounded, submerged in those things, people, places, happenings which inspire and motivate? Would your heart joyfully sing?

As you crawl into bed at the end of this Wondrous Wednesday, state out loud again and feel deep within your singing heart, gratitude for that which inspired and motivated you today.

~~~

I’d love, love, love to hear how this worked for you. Please leave me a comment here or email me or Facebook me or call me…..I’m so over the moon excited to know how this simple act makes your heart sing today.

Hey can you believe we are almost half way through this year? Have you met or are you meeting your goals, seizing your dreams? In honor of the half way point, in honor of the approaching Solstice, I’m offering my 6 week life coaching program for half price.

6 one on one sessions, the online program, unlimited emails

a complete wonderful metamorphic change for only $249

 

Contact me for a no cost but downright fun consultation and get ready to spread your wings and fly through the rest of 2013; it’ll make your heart sing!

 

Elementary School, Memorial Day, A Dolphin's Tail, Gratitude

One of my new favorite things to do is to go into elementary school classrooms and share Winter's Tale. I love reading Winter's story to the kids.  I love how almost every student, even the rough n' tough boys want to give my darling stuffed Winter with her removable prosthetic tail a hug as they depart. I love bringing awareness to amputation and how no matter what befalls us life remains beautiful, we can choose to be happy, and how kindness matters. I love opening up discussion with these amazingly brilliant young people.

Originally I was only going to go in and read to classes during the month of April as it's limb loss awareness month. But, as word got around the readings continued and requests to come in the first of the next school year are being made. This is going to be a really good thing.

The discussion time with the students is, well like I write above, as amazing and brilliant as they are.

A 2nd grader ask, "How do you swim?"

After I explained when I kick I go no where but I have strong arms and I'm learning to free style and I can doggie paddle very well, I said, "But I think I'm going to get a mermaid tail." Oh, the little girls were in awe, they all want a mermaid tail and they wish we could go swim with Winter this summer.

When I first went into the schools I told the teachers, "All questions are open." And, I learned after the first reading, to allow and nudge the thought process...

Right before the end of our time together, one final question from a 5th grader, "Do you have disappointment?"

Wowers, profoundly powerful! I knew this was a moment of responsibility and teachibility. "Yes. Do you have disappointments?" She shook her head affirming and I continued. "We all do. Maybe you don't make the basketball team or you get a 'C' on a test you thought you'd get an 'A' on. Maybe your parents are going through divorce. We all experience disappointment in life but disappointments, failures, even successes don't define us but they can refine us, they can make us better."

Last Friday I had about 60 2nd graders followed by that many 3rd graders. The discussions went across the board without a lull. Some of the questions were,  how do you get dressed, has your hand ever slipped into the toilet when you get on to go potty, how do you drive, do people make fun of you, why didn't you black out, what is it to black out, yeah, why didn't you black out, what did your legs look like right after you got ran over....then at the close of my time with them one more question from a 3rd grader, "If you could go back in time would you change what happened?"

This weekend, Memorial Day, marks the 16th year of my accident. For the past few days I have contemplated this question. I can see the innocent face of the young boy who asked the question, the way he cocked his head waiting for my response. It's a question I have often asked myself but had not ever been asked it by someone else in such a pure way before. My response remains,"I am so very human and if I would have no memory of what I have experienced I probably wouldn't have gone to the construction yard that night and open the gate. But, being here with you, knowing what I know now, having had wonderful experiences and meeting the wonderful people I have, no, I wouldn't go back and change anything."

I am deeply grateful for the opportunity to read Winter's Tail to kids. I am deeply grateful for the next generation of individuals. I am deeply grateful for Winter and her story, her happy face...I am deeply grateful for this life experience and how it has lead me to mix and mingle with the people I have...I am deeply grateful for the refining process even as I continue to ooze with humanness...I am deeply grateful for what my feet and legs had done for me, the places they took me, their service for me while with me. I am grateful to have run, to have felt squishy mud between my toes, to have had tall summer grass tickle my ankles, to have studied ballet...And, I am grateful for all that is yet to be...

 

You can go to www.seewinter.com for updates on this gorgeous girl.

 

This photo fills me with joy. What I see in her is what I feel in me.

Wacky Wondrous Whatever Wednesday

"When you understand who and what you are,

your radiance projects into the Universal radiance

and everything around you becomes creative

and full of opportunity."

 

Yogi Bhajan

 

 

Don't you love this quote? Read it and reread it. Soak it in. Let it pentrate your very being. Understanding who you, who I, who we are is simple yet complex. But if we simply sit at the seat of our own Universe and listen from the root of our own Soul and then allow our actions, words, thoughts, to occur from that space of our Being, well then, I believe we are radiating. I believe we actively create, seeing and seizing our boundles opportunities. And, as the tomorrows come we will naturally begin to flow, dance, eminate, move from this Divine, Glorious, BeautyFull state. Don't fight it, don't worry about it, don't doubt it, just go, begin to see yourself from the great Universe within, there is so much more to you than meets the eye. You are Love in the puriest state, yes you are. Go there and simply open up, allow your radiance to project, to shine and I promise Whatever befalls you you will still see how Wondrous your Wednesday is.