Wacky, Wondrous, Whatever, What If Wednesday

Last night as I went to shut off the lights I noticed a packet; an envelope had fallen out of a stack of mail Garth had brought in. Picking it up I saw it was from a friend whom I have gone through BIG and now DEEP with.

As with all my ‘sisters in paint’, I am blessed to watch Jeanie, her creative soul, heart, and art emerge and evolve.  Many FEARLESS Painters incorporate trees into their creative, intuitive, playful, painting process, but Jeanie’s trees are remarkable, alive, they speak of her and her devotion to Creation, to Mother Earth. Here, within the packet was a heartful/artful card. The words she had written sealed the end of my 49^th year journey as well as greeted my 50^th. On the back of the card is one of her signature painted trees.

Attending the arborist intensive this week and having one of Jeanie’s trees in my own hands on my birthday gave me pause; again reminding me and deepening my devotion and appreciation for life. How amazing is our God and Goddess, our Great Creator. The workings, the well thought out plan of organization, the intricacies of each living creation; it is quite miraculous.

Each day this week of the intensive, I am being taught by and sitting among brilliant, educated, individuals. These people know their stuff about trees; they are arborist, botanist, horticulturists; I simply love the life of trees;  I simply love life. All I bring to this intensive workshop is devotion, enthusiasm, and wonderment; what I take away will only magnify this which I bring.

One of the instructors said, with regards to the knowledge being offered, “It is like taking a drink from a fire hydrant.” For, me I am attempting to drink while splashing and playing and wondering. But, is this not life for me anyway be it trees, FEARLESS Painting, or all else which encompasses me…always skipping the water fountain and heading out to the hydrant, letting it wash over me, filling me to over flow?

“There are only two ways to live life. One is though nothing in a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle.” Einstein

An Unedited Delightful Mess

There still remains no explanation as to why I have been so dry in writing and yet, as always, there is no lack of inspiration for ‘it’ surrounds me. Simple every day experiences, the odd little things I tend to notice, an image, phrase, my goodness life is chock full of inspiration. There has even been an influx of synchronicities, sweet, amazing, synchronicities. If being chock full of inspiration or an influx of synchronicities isn’t enough to end the writing drought, well, the nearing end of this, my 49^th year journey, certainly should be.

As I finally approach this writing I find it disjointed, a bit messy, cluttered. This is me; even a sprinkling of my life in review over just a week seems messy; my head is cluttered. Could it be writing isn’t dried up but my thoughts, ideas, words are simply a cluttered mess? Is this a bad thing?

Could it be I must embrace the mess with gratitude that I recognize the inspiration, synchronicities, the anxiety, and powerful messages which I receive and which remain tucked inside the next seven or so days, tucked away waiting to be given during my next revolution around the sun. An influx of inspired life, amidst a disjointed clutter mess, gathered and brought together with and through the obvious and subtle synchronicities; therein gifts from the universe. Sharing this with any whom may read this post, I don’t necessarily think you’ll notice what creates my mess or what messages I receive but it is my hope you will be aroused to seek inspiration you’re chock full of, the influx of your synchronicities, identify your anxiety, discover the powerful messages the universe has for you.

I have been banking on my birthday to spring my writing back on track, taking time to simply write my clutter; however, this coming week is crazy busy and is one which will be taking me out of my comfort zone, literally. Today through Thursday I will be attending a Tree School intensive workshop at SUU. Okay, briefly I will explain. A few months ago I was asked to be on our town’s Tree City USA Committee. Feeling as if I was/am ready to get involved in ‘society’ again I said, “Yes.” I may have also said yes in part because the gentleman who asked me to participate on the committee had asked me a while back to be on a different committee and, at that time I said, “No.” The next day, this dear neighbor underwent quadruple bypass surgery. How could I say “No” this time? While being part of the Tree City USA Committee doesn’t require, but offers a four day intensive, our little town board and the gentleman who originally asked me to be on the committee, asked if I would attend. This will be a great opportunity for learning but I am scared, intimidated, and literally going out of my comfort zone.

Last night, while speaking with my oldest son, I mentioned to him my anxiety and other feelings with regards to this upcoming week, with taking this intensive at SUU. He said, “Mom, I think these feelings are good and I think it is good you are doing these things.”

I have been asked to narrate a Christmas program being held Wednesday evening. Not having spoken for months and because again I was/am feeling I’m ready to step out into ‘society’, I accepted. After all, I don’t have to write or memorize, only read, this really should not be a big deal. Now, with the Tree Class Intensive happening, I’m feeling more scared, more outside my comfort zone.

And, it’s my birthday this week; my 50^th or, as I choose to refer to it, my Joyful Jubilee. Already, yesterday, I returned home from a quick trip to Las Vegas. I was there with my sons to join my daughter who had planned a wonderful birthday celebration. My daughter made me my favorite dinner, eggplant parmesan, pasta, Caprese salad, and chocolate molten cake with fresh raspberries and whipped cream…yummie! Then, they took me to see the Lion King live.

At my mom’s, where this wonderful 50^th birthday dinner was held, there in the same space was my fabulous five. All of my children, my oldest had brought her beautiful three children, my mom, my sister; for a moment in time, in the same space, well, I can’t locate the words, the words are dry, Mom’s house cluttered with ‘us’, but the emotion, the feeling, the gathering, the view of magnificence, divine wonder…”There is nothing outside of us. It is all in us." ~ Yogi Bhajan

Watching the Lion King live was spectacular and I’m grateful for the opportunity to have seen it. A message, an inspiration, part of the synchronicities, creativity clearly there on that stage.. How cheesy is it to say, “…part of the circle of ‘my messy’ life.”

Friday, after the four day intensive, after the narration, after my birthday, after all of this ‘outside my comfort zone’, I will head up to Salt Lake to spend a few days with my oldest son. While up there, I chose to sign up for an art workshop. Even this is beginning to fill me with anxiety. I’ve only taken a few workshops online. I’ve never gone to a studio, with other students and done ‘art’. Although I’m really looking forward to this experience, again, it’s way out of my ‘comfort zone.’ It’ll be different doing an art workshop from some place other than the safety of my bedroom and with others watching besides BabyCat.

 Mixed in with these things I’ve written here, are other things which I’m doing, other things which have filled my inspiration, things which I view as synchronicities or part of anxiety, but all which accumulate to offer messages.

If you’ve read any of the posts from during the spring, I wrote often about the intuitive creative workshop I took called, BIG. Currently I’m in DEEP, which is the workshop following BIG. I can’t say enough what this ‘program’ has done for me. Recently I said to Connie, the facilitator of FEARLESS Painting, “BIG and DEEP has done more for me then the years and thousands of dollars spent on therapy.” In DEEP, among many things, I have come to adjust my thinking and definition of purpose and devotion. Also, DEEP calls for a deepening relationship with Creative Source. Deep calls unto Deep, I adore this scripture. You can find out more about FEARLESS Painting here http://www.dirtyfootprints-studio.com .

Last Monday evening I saw this video  ~ http://lds.org/pages/mormon-messages?lang=eng#create .  Regardless of your religious, spiritual beliefs or how you may feel about Mormon’s, I encourage you watch this under 2 minute video.

Later in the week I came across this video which is well worth the 10 minutes ~ http://www.facebook.com/l.php?u=http%3A%2F%2Ftedxtalks.ted.com%2Fvideo%2FTEDxSF-Louie-Schwartzberg-Grati&h=3AQEHFh6qAQG6fhmaIMDgw4BXQshU7DZiIT4YeoyA6mFfOQ

Along with taking DEEP, I’ve also recently finished up the Partnering with Spirit workshop. The facilitator of this workshop is my friend Lisa Dieken. She has provided me with guidance and tools which have enhanced my spiritual journey work. You can learn more about this workshop and Lisa over at http://www.wildcreativeheart.com .

A few weeks ago I had a long distance Reiki session by a dear friend Pam. I was kind of skeptical about it but it proved to be amazing. Pam is quite gifted. I am still reflecting and reaping the benefits from our session. If you’re interested, let me know, I can hook you up.

I’m also attempting to stay on track with Honoring the Divine Feminine Sadhana sponsored by Spirit Voyage. It began on Thursday, December 1st. If you’d like, you can find out more about the Sadhana here ~ http://www.spiritvoyage.com/GlobalSadhana/HonoringTheDivineFeminine. Seeking my own divinity has been part of my devotion on this, my 49^th year journey, and one which will continue on during this Joyful Jubilee.

On Friday, December 2nd, I was going through a stack of books and came across one which was given to me by my Mother-In-Law, Arlene, shortly before she passed away. I had forgotten about this book and was over joyed to rediscover it. It’s entitled The Wonder of Christmas 50 Meditations on the Birth of Christ. It offers morning and evening readings each day from December 1st thru the 25^th. Fanning the book open, I happened upon page 17 which is the 2^nd’s offering, but before going to the beginning of the writing, my eyes fell upon this sentence, “It is Mary, an extraordinary personality, upon whom the light of the Christmas story first falls.” What a powerful thought in honoring the divine feminine.

Pam, my Reiki friend, sent me a gift, two books and a Shaman CD. I, again fanned opened one of the books and randomly read, “…clutter and mess show us that life is being lived. Clutter is wonderfully fertile ground you can still discover new treasures under all those piles, clean things up, edit things out, fix things, get a grip. Tidiness suggests that something is as good as it’s going to get. Tidiness makes me think of held breath, of suspended animation, while writing needs to breathe and move…” From, Bird by Bird by Anne Lamott.

So there you go, there I have it, only a sprinkling of the inspiration, synchronicities, anxieties, experiences, “clutter” of my life from the past few days and the anticipation of the next few. “All of this and you remain dry?” I ask myself. No, not dry. I am on fertile ground. Life, my crazy, cluttered, oozing with humanness life springs up from this. Much has grown there in the fertile ground of my life and much remains left to say on this, my 49^th year journey. Now I shall take the joyous clutter which has accumulated and made up those 49 years and embark tomorrow on this, my Joyful Jubilee. I need not to perfect it, but share it, even if it only be with me, for in doing so I can’t help but clean up, edit, fix, get a grip, grow, expand, be me…writing, art, creativity, living the divinity within simply needs to breathe and move and continue to grow.

Wondrous, Wacky, Whatever, What If Wednesday

Yes, it's been a while; been feeling a bit dry in writing, creating, being, simply a bit 'odd'. It isn't for a lack of inspiration as Autumn is my favorite time of year, it offers great promise, even more then Spring. And yet Autumn seems to be a bit 'odd' as well.

Beginning to think I've not really moved far beyond my insecurities, my weaknesses; not receiving a response to a heartfelt message, misinterpreting the response from another, overly thinking this time of year six years ago, fighting the urge to unearth Jeff's grave, battling increased panic attacks, wondering why there's been no answer to my request to hand cycle an up coming marathon, more yuck of not feeling like I'm good enough and seeing everyone else as so much better then I, feelings of rebellion but no sure of what it is I rebel, maybe myself...oh my list can go on and on and it becomes heavier and heavier...really, Jules, time to release, lighten up, let go, use these as fuel most especially the rebellion...

Chris asked me to light a candle, an offering, a prayer for him as he takes a test today. As I went through my own little preparation, ritual if you will, I kept wondering if I have it within me to implore unto the Heavens, I even, for a brief moment wondered is IT real? As I wrote an intuitive little prayer, request on behalf of my son, I was reminded that Chris, each of my five children, everyone, even insecure-weak-odd-little me has been given all the knowledge, confidence, wisdom...all we will ever need and more, has been given to us by Divine Grace...

As I closed my eyes in reverence of the offering, prayer, candle ritual a few recent images came to me ~

1. Driving back from town I had seen a young buck dead along side the road, this isn't unusual out where I live, yet this time I was more sensitive, filled with a deeper sorrow, a feeling how this creation of God was discarded, disrespected, abandoned without purpose - in this moment God infused within me even this deer is not forgotten by Him.
2. Seeing a tiny four week old baby, speaking with the new mom, watching them together - in this moment God infused within me none of IT is accident IT is by His devotion to love IT is real.
3. A dream, journey, time spent with the guides God has given me - in this moment God infused within me the validity of me, my own tiny most needful part of the shift of existence, "wait upon Me" he whispered.
4. Chris' phone call last night, his request for me to light a candle for him - in this moment God infused within me the requests of my own life and the candles He has lit on my behalf.

Oh again and again and again, even while wallowing in the mire of humanness God and Goddess touches me, ever so tenderly, lovingly touches me and their touch lights a candle within reminding me, once more, all I need I have in this moment...shine on little light, shine on.

Wacky, Wondrous, Whatever, What If Wedneday

What is abundance to you?

Abundance has been dancing around in my head along with my thoughts of dreams.

(funny not until I wrote this did I acknowledge the word dance in abundance)

Could it be dreams and abundance aren’t two separate ‘things’ but partners? One leading to the other and back around. Yes, partners, dance partners. Your dreams, not wanting to sit the next one out asks abundance to do what it’s waiting, wanting, devoted to do, to fulfill why it’s there on the dance floor of your life. Then, following each dance, sweetly kissing your dreams?

~

The disciples asked Jesus, “Why do you speak in parables?”

He replied, “The knowledge of the secrets of the kingdom of heaven has been given to you, but not to them. Whoever has will be given more, and he will have an abundance. Whoever does not have, even what he has will be taken from him…Though seeing, they do not see; though hearing, they do not hear or understand. In them is fulfilled the prophecy of Isaiah, ‘You will be ever hearing but never understanding; you will be ever seeing but never perceiving. For this people’s heart has become calloused; they hardly hear with their ears, and they have closed their eyes. Otherwise they might see with their eyes, hear with their ears, understand with their hearts and turn, and I would heal them.’” Matthew 13:12-15 NIV

~

“Whatever we are waiting for – peace of mind, contentment, grace, the inner awareness of simple abundance – it will surely come to us, but only when we are ready to receive it with an open and grateful heart.” Sarah Ban Breathnach

~

“Expect your every need to be met. Expect answer to every problem, expect abundance on every level.” Eileen Caddy

~

Do you desire to seek the secrets to the kingdom of heaven? What are your expectations? Do you realize your needs are met? What is the condition of your heart? Where is your awareness and understanding? Are you prepared for abundance? What other aspects are on the dance floor of your life? Do you choose to dance? Do you receive and reciprocate the kiss? What are you waiting for?



Stepping a Little More Into Dreams

Funny, isn't it, when you're surrounding an idea, a thought, a subject, how much and how often that subject, thought, idea pops up into your world and surrounds you back. I have continued to create little colleges which fit in with dreams and the words for those colleges seem to literally fall out of magazines. Here's today's little dream fix.

Quotes about dreams continue to flow towards me, or I towards them, as well. This is a great one which was part of a post from Paulo Coelho's facebook page just today.

"Dream is just a word until you decide to fight for it with all your enthusiasm and commitment."



Wacky, Wondrous, Whatever, What If Wednesday (I've lost count)

A while ago I had scribbled on a scrap piece of paper, “many ways one path.” I had mentioned this to a friend earlier in the week. When she questioned what I meant by these words, I’m not sure I clearly explained them.

The ‘one path’ to me in this thought is a my own spiritual path; a path of self exploration and self discovery; a path leading to the original, authentic, pure self, of whom I was born to be and learning how to unconditionally love myself; a path going beyond the beyond of the internal and eternal depths of self; a path towards deeper communion with God and all of which God encompasses to me.

The ‘many ways’ to me in this thought is the many aspects which has formed me over the past 49 years; the many individuals of my family, living, those who have crossed over, ancestors and future posterity; the many individuals I associate with, my tribal circles, those I have encountered and interacted with at all the various times, ranges, stages, levels; the many events however subtle or obvious, intense or delicate; the many places I have been; the many emotions I have experienced; the many spiritual, religious, scriptural ways which sensibly speak to me for as much as I’d like to say I can, the truth is I cannot fit into one; the many ways of which I choose to travel the path such as reading, experience, intuitive writing or painting, creating, meditating, prayer, oracles, family, friends, tribes, drive, ride, run, fly, dream…whew…

Many Ways One Path

Don’t really know why I wrote this today, maybe my own clarity, maybe because I sense a shift in our existence, maybe because it affirms just how wacky I am, maybe because of a ‘what if’ I don’t write it, maybe because it leads me into more wondrous thoughts. Whatever it is, may we simply be soaking up the journey to our own one path.

Step 2 Into Dreams

A dream you dream alone is only a dream.

A dream you dream together is a reality.

John Lennon

Yesterday evening, just before sunset, I joined a group of ladies from little our country town up on a little mountain appropriately named Little Mountain. Our little country town is probably not much different than other little country towns, including the thought that our little country town is the best and most unique of all little country towns. Most if not all of those gathered there yesterday evening, except for me, grew up in or has deep rooted heritage ties to this special little place. Here a top Little Mountain we were guests of whom I consider the unsurpassed town historian. His passion, dedication, and respect for the historical events and people of our little country town is beautiful and admirable; isn’t always so to see that, to see within someone that they are living their purpose, their life calling; is it his dream to keep this history alive and well? He shared intriguing stories; some which brought tears of laughter others tears of sorrow. We then took a short jaunt to an antiquated tiny cemetery tucked in among junipers, cedars, sage, oak, scrub brush; a place I have wanted to visit for such a long time. There, on sacred ground I stood, wishing for a moment to travel back in time, wishing I had real feet so to take off my shoes and feel the hallowed earth below. Now knowing some of the story of the few buried there, I couldn’t help but wonder and want to know more about them. Two are small children, a young man in his teens, a woman and a man both who also crossed over at young ages. What were their hopes, desires, what were their dreams?

While I have much to journal about last evening, I remain with the thought of living the life of dreams. Last week I was invited to a delightful neighbor’s home to play in clay. She is a retired art teacher, an amazing artist in her own right. Prior to taking BIG, I would have been totally intimidated, embarrassed by my lack of talent but since the online course, I have been able, with a growing degree, overcome such intimidation, I have discovered a freedom in realizing I am not an ‘artist’ but a ‘create-ist’ and that is more than enough for me. I have had a desire to play in clay for years; I have all the tools for playing in clay; I have dabbled in clay, spoken of my desire to learn more and play more with clay. While my artist neighbor longs for her sculpture to look just like the model, I feel a sense of sweet surrender in just longing for the joy in the process, and if by chance my sculpture has any resemblance to the model well, that will be an added bonus of joy. I expressed this clay play day with a friend of mine who said in response, “good for you, you’re living a dream.” Yes, those were his exact words as he reminded me of what I had told him over 5 years ago about my desire to live here full time, in our little country town, and play in clay.  This reminder trickled down to other reminders such as wanting a front yard, flower and vegetable gardens, to learn of intuitive writing and painting, to prepare for at least a half marathon. I have written of these, learned from these over the past year and yet, how did I forget the clarity and simplicity of these dreams?

This morning my oldest son sent me a message telling me he was signing us up for a half marathon on December 4^th, 2 days prior to my joyful jubilee. There are tons of apples waiting to be picked from the apple trees out back, in fact, as I write a neighbor and my youngest son are picking them now. My vegetable gardens are waiting to be tilled back into the earth, to rest for a season or two. The grass in the front yard is dancing with the falling autumn leaves. I have an intuitive painting in the works on the bedroom floor and my last post is an example of intuitive writing. This week I will begin DEEP, the online workshop which follows BIG. Thursday I’ll be joining my neighbor for another clay play day. While I so dream of wanting to time travel back to the early days of our little country town, isn’t that just what we did yesterday evening. Even my dream of having Jeff back with me is alive as he has never left my heart. The dream of having legs, well, I suppose this too is alive and well albeit they are plastic, rubber, metal for I am able, even from the wheelchair, to accomplish all of what I dream.

After returning home from such a wonderful evening on Little Mountain, I read a facebook post which said, “Don't know why I'm being "told" to share this, but when I get "marching orders", I obey. Could it be for you?" After which she quoted from The Artist’s Way by Julia Cameron. Here is in part what she posted (thank you Tracie):

“We like to pretend it is hard to follow our heart’s dreams. The truth is, it is difficult to avoid walking through the many doors that will open. Turn aside your dream and it will come back to you again. Get willing to follow it again and a second mysterious door will swing open. The universe is prodigal in its support…We say we are scared by failure, but what frightens us more is the possibility of success. Take a small step in the direction of a dream and watch the synchronous doors flying open…”

How beautiful, marvelous, joyful it is to know, simply know, the doors have been flying open along on this my 49^th year journey.

Our little gathering at the cemetery yesterday evening.

Blessings Bliss and Dreams

If you’re interested in New Harmony, seeing gorgeous photos, or just the amazing research, dedication, honor, passion one man has for his history visit http://www.brentprince.blogspot.com

For information of BIG, DEEP, Total Alignment (which is free) or any other FEARLESS Painting workshops go to http://www.dirtyfootprints-studio.com

My dear Tracie, who followed the ‘marching orders’, can be found at http://www.mybloominglife.com

Step 1 Into Dreams Continued

"Let there be lights in the firmament of the heaven to divide the day from the night; and let them be for signs, and for seasons, and for days, and years, and...to give light upon the earth...to rule over the day and over the night, and to divide the light from the darkness, and God saw that it was good." Genesis 1:14-18

Did you go out and soak in Luna's light? Did you see that it is good? Oh She was so beautiful in Her fullness. I went out with paper, pencil, and candlelight expecting to have it, all my dreams, open up to me, what I received was quite 'out of the blue', 'over the moon', unexpected. The following is spontaneous writing, a message from Luna and while it wasn't what I expected (is it ever what we expect) it was, it is spectacular...

"My light, the light you see is a gift, a gift I received but a light which would not be mine without Him. The Sun is the true source of the great All. He and I are partners, we engaged from before time began, promised partners setting out together to give All life our love. Our love for All and for each other sustains and strengthens our bond, our promise. We have witnessed much, we have wept much, we will always love much. We surround you with the purest of light and love. Feel of our love, embrace and emulate our example of love, of giving and receiving, of balance, of life. It is as simple as rising, setting, following, flowing with the Universal call. The wisdom you seek, the dreams known and unknown which you desire, your purpose is of no mystery; IT is not a treasure hunt though a treasure IT is. All you seek, all you desire, all in all, you were given before time began. IT is within you, IT dwells as close to you as your own soul, IT is your soul. And, you have been given, before time began, all the gifts you need, all the knowledge you need you have and more. Just simply be as I, a receiver and a giver, follow your cycles, journey the flow, all IT is will rise and set in ITS season, ITS day. Oh our Great God. I attend/watch as your Heavenly Parents kiss you each night. They have given Angels and Guardians charge over you, call upon them, feel them. And I am here watching over you by night and the blessed Sun by day. As you release and surrender to the Universe you will discover all IT is, the path to your dreams and know the bliss isn’t what you follow, IT is you. Shine with the same light as I; the light of the Son. Enjoy what is revealed. Blessed be my child, be blessed.  ~ Luna"

What a beloved, inspiring, message for which I am filled with awe and gratitude. While I freely wrote, I had to fight my own thoughts and interjections, hoping I didn't miss any of Her powerful message. When I received the word 'revealed' a gust of wind blew out the candle; clearly letting me know Her message, at least for now, was finished. The words of the message are powerful, the insight of the message even more so.

Something else I was moved to do was blend a batch of Luna Oil. I left it out all night, under Her light and love, even getting up once to move the amber bottle over to the western side so to continue receiving Her energy until She slid behind the mountains.

In keeping with Her request, I would like to give, to send out to anyone who would like to receive, a 1/2 dram of this Luna Oil blend. Just send me an email with your address and with all my heartfelt light and love I will send you this tiny treasure.

So, my step into living the life of dreams continues. Among all the greatness of this endearing message I am reminded again to keep it so simple and to shine on...


1 Corinthians 15:41 "There is one glory of the sun, and another glory of the moon, and another glory of the stars: for one star differeth from another star in glory."

Step 1 Into Dreams

Tonight is October's full moon. While many refer to September's full moon as the Harvest Moon, there are some cultures who refer to October as the Full Harvest Moon. Others refer to October's full moon as the Hunters Moon or Blood Moon. I read one article which refers to tonight's full moon as the Moon of the Wand Maker.

Taking yesterdays post into consideration as a 'call to action', I felt today/tonight is a most perfect time to take a first step into living the life of dreams. For me, honing in on what it is I dream my life to be, regardless of how big or small or ever changing, is the first step, after all how can I live it if I don't have clarity on it. I also desire to know it with some certainty, simplicity, and of course some reason-ability.

With the thought of Luna's October purpose (Full Harvest Moon - a time for the full and probably final gathering; Hunters Moon - a time to bring home the meat which will sustain for the months ahead; Blood Moon - the life giving fluid, the heart of the matter; Wand Maker Moon - a craft, tool, creative extension) I decided I owe it to my dreams, whatever they maybe, to sit in solitude under Luna's light and offer prayer, meditation, contemplation. Then write, collage, draw, scribble, whatever media, the images, thoughts, ideas, hopes, oh yes dreams which come to me. By doing so, in Luna's fullness, it'll be like giving wings to and sending my dreams out into the collective Universe with great, blessed energy.

Yay, I'm taking Step One Into Living the Life of Dreams, won't you join me. We'll keep it so simple...come on let's do it together, let's step into our dreams.

Dreams

"Go confidently in the direction of your dreams!

Live the life you've imagined!

As you simplify your life

the laws of the universe will be simplier."

Henry David Thoreau



It is time to move beyond inquiring of myself and really gather the answers; what do I imagine of my life, what are my dreams? After 49 years I suppose the time has come to give myself permission to do more then just sort of dream. Part of me consoles another part, "it's a good thing you didn't dream too much or pursue your dreams as how disappointing would things have been, having had quite a few unexpected interruptions." But isn't that life anyway, always drizzled with interruptions? Giving myself permission to 'dream' has brought up the most silly, yet alarming concern; I don't know if I know how to dream, really dream, imagine, I'm not sure I know how or want to invision, dream of something, anything of which then I will pursue through. This quote struck me with such verve. It seems to be a my call to action, my permission slip. And, it is all in keeping it so simple.

A Little More About This Week

I journeyed to Las Vegas this week to sign documents for the sale of our home there. This is the house Jeff built for me, for our family, for us. The house has been on the market for nearly two years. The selling price is way below what our costs were 11 years ago to buy the land and build. Holding on to the home, with its monthly costs and maintenance had become a financial and emotional burden.

This wasn’t the first time I’d signed closing docs; I’d been down this road before only to have the buyer back out 5 hours prior to the close. So, this bitter-sweet trip to Vegas had me filled with a bit of intrepidation. During the entire drive down I questioned my decision to sell.

Usually I exit at the 215 but chose a different route this day. With the IPod on shuffle, my head questioning, traffic slowed at the Cheyenne exit. Looking at the exit I recalled how many times Jeff and I took this exit to go to the ‘yard’. Even after weekends spent in New Harmony, we’d often cruse the yard. NU’s construction yard, the office, was really Jeff’s home. He grew up in that yard, he owned that yard. “Am I making the right decision?” I asked as traffic began to move. A new song shuffled on, When I Get to Where I’m Going, I took it as an answer. This is the song our daughters chose for Jeff’s funeral. This isn't the first time I'd asked an emotionally deep question to Jeff and had this song play. Oh the synchronicities continue…

Yesterday had a few profound synchronicities as well, but the one I wish to share now is the following quote I came across from a post by my friend Lisa Dieken, www.wildcreativeheart.com . She shared it via Licia Berry, www.LiciaBerry.com .

“Fear not, money will not be the way we make decisions any more. Following the passion is what will open things up and the flow of all goodness will come through you and to you. The key is to remain open, and doing what you love and loving what you do. The nature of the universe is this passion, and when we embody passion, we are one with the fabric of the universe. When we are not passionate, when we are “dead” in our engagement with the world, we are not showing up to dance with All Creation. All Creation wants to dance, all the time. Will you waltz with All Creation, or will you sit this one out? Your passion is the indication that you are plugged in, and saying YES to the dance.”

This seemed to be a direct answer to my closing question from my previous post, “How can I live with greater passion, celebration, abundance of life?” Synchronicity or Simply Wow!?

A friend of mine, Mark, actually we grew up next door to each other, who I recently reconnected with said in an email to me this week, “…time seems to go much faster when we get over 50…” Time may speed up, it may be short, time, like the wheel of life, keeps rolling along. Thus, time is and always has been precious, valuable, each event time unfolds should be used to enlighten the journey, “…thy word shall be a lamp unto my feet and a light unto my path…” Each event, an opportunity to dance.

May I, as I approach my Joyful Jubilee Journey, absorb the light, strengthen the pure light within me, and become a shining light upon a little hill in the country albeit  a dancing light for I have chosen not to sit another out but to dance…Blessings, Love, but mostly Light and yes, I hope you dance.

Wacky, Wondrous, Whatever, What If Wednesday

There is so very much to do today, really there is, and yet I have wandered about the house, out into the gardens, roundabout, getting absolutely nothing accomplished. As I thought about plopping out of the chair into the flowerbed to do some weeding the Sun kissed me with His warmth and I chose to linger there dancing in the His delightful embrace. A slight breeze wafted through and I smelled Autumn’s fragrance; she’s coming.

The Fall Equinox is this Friday, Mabon, another turn on the wheel. I adore Autumn with all Her meaning and energy.  A time to celebrate the bounty offered us, the close of the harvest. Looking out at the vegetable gardens I notice the corn begging to be brought in, enjoyed, preserved so to be able to offer itself during the deadness of Winter as nourishment for the body and soul. The watermelon patch and tomatoes are browning but there lives some produce waiting to be picked. The tiny pumpkin patch finally has blossoms though no pumpkins yet, maybe there’s still time.

The branches of the apple trees out back are hanging down, some have snapped, from the weight of this year’s fruit. I must find someone to pick these beauties. Some apples will be juiced, others made into apple pie filling, while others remain, falling to the ground providing food for the deer, raccoon, and any other critter which passes through.

As I made way around my property seeing so much yet to be done before seasons end, I did nothing but rejoice; rejoice and dancing in the Sun’s warm, passionate embrace. I inhaled deeply Autumn’s faint fragrance feeling like the Goddess who retains a fiery passion for Her God even as He wanes. Oh, but waning is a part of the continuum…

“Whatever,” I said to myself, “things will get done. For now, feel, simply feel.”

After I came in, I reread my post Wheel of Life from February, when I so longed for Spring; now, I so long for Autumn. I have no need to wonder when I began waning, for, looking back I waxed and waned, looking forward I shall wax and wane some more. The wheel will continue to roll and I shall roll along with it. Simply finding joy in all of life, in all of the seasons, and being grateful my soul longs for such.

My 49^th year adventure is approaching its end, its final season. Now is a good time to begin thinking about my cycle around the Sun, my 50th year adventure. How shall I celebrate this Joyful Jubilee? How can I live with greater passion, celebration, abundance of life? I’m not real sure just yet but maybe something will come to me as I go back outside and dance.

Synchronicity and a Sea

A journal page, or playing in paint or scribbling with pencil or even writing a blog post, is for me, all about the process, not the finished result. While none of my work maybe ‘artistic’, it is an emergence and exploration into the sea of intuitive self. In the sea of intuitiveness I seem to linger in the safety of the shallow end near the bank where, at any time, I can pull myself up and out. Yet, all the while, I long for the knowledge, discovery, mystery, the depth of what lies beyond. Playing on this journal page I kept hearing, “she knew she’d never have to go beyond her own back yard only beyond the beyond within herself to discover all the beauty her heart longs for.”

What is it I fear? For years I have known I wasn’t tossed into ‘life’ happenstance, thus, I do not wade in the ‘sea’ alone. I have learned over the past 49 revolutions around the sun just how resilient the heart and soul can be. I know, just know, for there are whispers of reminders, promises, and unfolding synchronicities of life which never cease to enthrall me.

So, did I begin to play with the journal page then hear the words or did I hear the words and then began to play with the page…either way it was, once again, about the process and the journey into the intuitive sea albeit along the safe, shallow bank which I remained. While splashing in the shallow waters along the safe bank I recalled events, people, writings, readings, things which occurred over the week and, again, I was struck by the synchronicity of living.

Guidance from Eileen Caddy of Findhorn entitled Deep Within;

"Let nothing disturb or distress you. Seek deep within and find perfect wisdom and understanding. Have you ever watched a spider spinning its web? Every inch of that thread comes from within itself. So with you, you hold deep within you all the secrets of the Universe. There is no need to waste time seeking them from without, they have been yours from the beginning, but have had to lie dormant until you were ready to recognize them and accept them. Then when you are ready nothing is withheld from you, and you know that all I have and all I am is yours."

From Paulo Coelho’s blogspot; an excerpt by Deepak Chopra;

"What was most magical in my childhood was transformation. Death itself was seen as a brief stopping point on an endless soul journey that could turn a peasant into a king and vice versa. With the possibility of infinite lifetimes extending forward and backward, a soul could experience hundreds of heavens and hells. Death ended nothing; it opend up limitless adventures. A drop of water becomes vapor, which is invisible, yet vapor materializes into billowing clouds, and from clouds rain falls back to earth, forming river torrents and eventually merging into the sea. Has the drop of water died along the way? No, it undergoes a new expression at each stage. Likewise, the idea that I have a fixed body locked in space and time is a mirage. Any drop of water inside my body could have been ocean, cloud, river, or spring the day before. I remind myself of this fact when the bonds of daily life squeeze too tight.”

From my friend Charlie, in response to Deepak Chopra’s words;

I think this one tickles the same part of my brain as when, during my first workshop with Mesmera, she said, "Close your eyes and see your breath. Now, realize that some part of the air you are taking in was once breathed by Cleopatra..." yup.

I ran into an acquaintance, which I hadn’t seen in nearly a year, Eileen, who always asks me if I’ve finished my book. Among many things she talked to me about and many things I’d like to share about her and her walk of faith she simply said;

“…you know the secret…yeah, well, I know the secret…”

But she never told me the secret. Is there a secret? She thinks I know the secret.

In Shamanic Journeying A Beginner’s Guide by Sandra Ingerman, I read in chapter two, entitled The Three Worlds;

Speaking of the Lower World, “A literary example of that transition can be found in the story of Alice in Wonderland, where Alice descends into another realm through a magical tunnel. Eventually, you come out into the light…”

Speaking of the Upper World, “This will be a transition, not a barrier, like in the story of Jack and the Beanstalk, where he climbs up…Similarly, The Wizard of Oz, Dorothy travels to another world on a tornado…”

I have related my 49th year journey to Alice; I had a meditative journey just a few weeks ago where, in my personal journaling, I noted the similarities to Jack's beanstalk, and anyone who knows me knows The Wizard of Oz is, by far, my favorite movie and has been since I was a young girl of say about 4.

Which, I was reminded all week, even as recent as yesterday afternoon when a long time friend of Jeff's and mine stoped by and he happened to speak about 4 year olds. He mentioned how pure and honest 4 year olds are, naturally. As I played on this journal page and splased a bit of paint abound on a poster board, I recalled my BIG painting adventure and how we are to paint like a child, like a 4 year old. I recalled, again, my earliest memory from which I was younger than 4. I even asked myself what I believed in, what I knew as a child to be true, what did I possess as a 4 year old that became dormant as the years progressed? Oh, so much...

I don't expect anyone who reads this post to fully or even partially grasp the synchronicity of my life. What I do hope to leave any readers with is, to begin to see the synchronicity of your own life.

This writing is, again, about the process. In the process there is a journey and as I prepare to leave (which I have been dragging my feet to do - oh, hell, you know what I mean) for Las Vegas, but not only this brief journey to Las Vegas but a journey beyond the beyond into the sea, I know there is an unfolding, a facing of fear, a reminder I'm not here happenstance, I'm not splashing alone. In the sea of intuitiveness it is time to let go, which is often more difficult than hanging on, of the safe shallow end and allow the flow to take me out to sea, only a little way...you're gonna be okay...

Wacky, Wondrous, Whatever, What If Wednesday

Are we dwelling within a magical reality? My friend, Lisa Wilson, said in one of her blog posts this week, “Entering a world of magic is not ignoring the "real" world around us. It is simply a change of perspective.” http://lifeunity.com/blog/a-magical-reality.html

If only we would let go of the handle attached to the box lid we often keep ourselves neatly contained within. If we just let go, we will find, with no other effort on our part, the lid will simply, freely open up. Then listen to what beckons us to pop our heads up and turn our ear; to see what lies beyond the self imposed labels, rules, duties, guilt. If only we just let go, like Alice going down the rabbit's hole. I know, really, I know, letting go is often much more difficult than holding on...but its okay to just let go.

What would happen if we opened our eyes and took in a panoramic view of the landscape which lies beyond our tidy little box or, even better still, what would happen if we chose to step outside the box? What if we re-created our labels, relaxed the self imposed rules and duties, removed the noose of guilt? I’m not in any way encouraging us to be unkind, disrespectful, irreverent, or irresponsible; quite the contrary.

Another Lisa friend, Lisa Dieken, is, among many wonderful things, a Shamanic Journey Practitioner http://www.wildcreativeheart.com .  Recently I took a soul retrieval journey with her. In the journey she re-introduced to me a delightful, helpful, magical, healing, soulful part of – me. Lisa guided me on a journey which adjusted and continues to adjust my perspective. During the journey she also reaffirmed something she had told me weeks prior, its okay to play.

Is it time to reinvent play in our lives? Play; to have a playful heart and soul is part of what is required and what happens when we step outside our boxed in world into a magical reality. Play, like that of child, like that of Alice in Wonderland.

Yes, I finished Alice’s Adventures In Wonderland, reading it that is. The book is so very different than any of the movies. And, while I like the movie renditions, I wish they would have included Alice’s sister’s involvement at the end of the story. While I continue to soak in the book, reinvent play, explore soul integration, and step further out of and away from my box into the magical reality beyond, I want to quote, as a reminder to myself and to my sister who is also named Lisa, and, as a sister to all who may venture here, what is written in the concluding portion of the book,

“But her sister sat still just as she (Alice) left her, leaning her head on her hand, watching the setting sun, and thinking of little Alice and all her wonderful Adventures, till she too began dreaming after a fashion…lastly, she pictured to herself how this same little sister of hers would, in the after-time, be herself a grown woman; and how she would keep, through all her riper years, the simple and loving heart of her childhood; and how she would gather about her other little children, and make their eyes bright and eager with many a strange tale, perhaps even with the dream of Wonderland of long ago and how she would feel with all their simple sorrows, and find a pleasure in all their simple joys, remembering her own child-life, and the happy summer days.”

There is depth here, there is depth in Wonderland, there is depth beyond the reality of what we know, there is depth, magic, play, soul and as you explore this ‘reality’ remember you are tethered to the Great Creator, to your God. As you let go, simply trust...

Elemental Wishing Jars

I've created and played with these for years. They've helped to inspire, focus, re-focus, bring clarity and purity to my heart felt wishes. They seem to be calling out, needing to be shared, offered to others, to you. If you are interested leave me a comment or send me an email at keepingitsosimple@gmail.com.

Bringing them out, is a new adventure. I haven't even thought the process through but I feel a call to do this, now. So, on the wings of prayers and wishes, out into the universe they go...

EARTH ~ to help inspire & center wishes associated with grounding, prosperity, money, business, fertility, employment, garden, foundation, abundance, home, animals, peace, stability…

AIR ~ to help inspire & center wishes associated with clear thinking, creativity, travel, wisdom, intellect, memory, communication, astral travel, health…

FIRE ~ to help inspire & center wishes associated with protection, energy, courage, strength, passion, communication, purification, love, negativity, vitality, willpower…

WATER ~ to help inspire & center wishes associated with healing, friendship, marriage, reconciliation, intuition, relationships, purification, sleep, dreams, psychic awareness, compassion…

Some things are worth preserving and yet, are not meant to remain bottled up forever. There comes a time, a moment of opening and partaking.

Each Elemental Wishing Jar contains a dram of Elemental Oil which is a blend of essential oils in a grape seed oil base mixed during the waning moon, a candle, a smaller container filled with a substance such as rice, sand, stones which can be used as a candle holder, something to write your wish on, and a cowry shell.

Each item is cleansed, prayerfully packed, and every jar is blessed prior to sending.

I encourage you to be creative, intuit, and open while partaking of your Wishing Jar.

You can leave questions or comments at keepingitsosimple@gmail.com.

May the clarity and purity of your heart felt wishes be inspired.

Wondrous, Wacky, Whatever, What If Wednesday

My Dillon son recently moved to the Denver area for work. Last week was his 20^th birthday and I was able to spend several days with him. On his birthday, after dinner, we went to a major department store so I could purchase him a big birthday gift; a television along with a few other smaller things.

It was last call in the store, just about closing time, when we checked out. Everything ran through, I swiped my credit card and uhoh, declined. You know the look you get when this happens; you know the nervousness you feel? The clerk politely says, “Oh, it’s okay, here, let’s swipe it again.” CARD DECLINED. Several team members are approaching, another register has to be opened to check out the customers lined up behind us, all of whom are giving me the ‘card declined more than once stare.’

“Let me give this one a go,” I said as I brought out my only other credit card. CARD DECLINED.

By now Dillon is really ready to just be done, to leave without his birthday gifts, but not me. “Let me call the credit card company.” I said.

The manager, whose appearance wasn’t nearly as polite as the checkout clerk says, “Do you think it’ll help? We close in less than five minutes.”

“Mom, it’s alright, we can do this later.”

“No, son, we’re getting your TV.”

The clock is ticking. I’m giving secret passwords to the credit card company. All eyes are on us. Dillon just wants to go home. The not so polite in appearance manager has her keys out ready to lock up. “They had me on fraud alert, it’ll go through now.” Eureka! Dillon has his birthday gift and all the team members are glad to see us leave.

This was Wednesday; on Saturday Dillon wants to pick up a few items at the same department store. I could detect a bit of apprehensiveness in him as we entered the store. But I vowed to myself I wouldn’t make any kind of a scene; nothing to draw any more attention to us.

Throughout our shopping experience I was well behaved. We checked out without any hang ups; I didn’t need to pull my credit card out, I didn’t even say a word, that is until we passed the next checkout lane where there was a wee bit of mayhem going on. The clerk says, to anyone who’d listen, in a freaked out kind of way, “Someone needs to get this praying mantis out of here!”  Customers avoided the area around the beautiful mantis. Other team members would only peek over to take a look at it. Dillon couldn’t push his cart of purchased goods out fast enough.

Having read my previous blog post about the praying mantis outside my kitchen door, Dill knew what was coming next, “Oh, it’s alright, she’s beautiful, don’t kill her, my son will get it for you.”

With a deep sigh and an ‘oh my hell’ look, Dillon went to gather the mantis. I couldn’t help myself as I continued to explain, “Mantis means prophet in Greek. They are a blessing, really, you are blessed this little creature was in your check out lane…”

I was still rambling on about the wonders of praying mantis when Dillon returned from taking her outside. He gave me the 'oh my hell' look again along with the 'it's time to go now' look tacked on. “But I had to explain it to them, Dill, they had to know what a blessing a mantis is so they won’t kill her next time…”

“Mom, you are banned from this store forever.”

“I’m sorry, but I just had to; hopefully someone in there now understands the wondrous world of praying mantis,” I replied as we wheeled across the parking lot.

“It was kind of strange how its feet felt on my hands. It made its way between my fingers as I cupped it, crawling onto my wrist and then it gave me the most curious look,” Dillon said. “Mom, really, you had to go on about it being a blessing and a prophet and…”

Since Last Sunday

Keeping It So Simple was created to simply journal my 49 year journey through life, keeping a record of the lessons foraged along the way. After writing last Sunday’s post, I kept going back to re-read it. Within the writing I completely see the message, the lesson; an answer simply provided to me from my morning experience as a response to my request of the Lord. But there was something more, something else so blatantly and clearly given to me which I didn’t, wouldn’t, even arguably refused to receive. My strong refusal waft not only through Sunday but continued for the past five days. The more obstinate I became the more God and Goddess; Father and Mother subtly revealed, gently offered, tenderly loved the message, “Everything you need you have in the moment.”

Since last Sunday, I have read several blog posts written by extremely talented, inspiring, soulful individuals. I have viewed dozens of heartfelt messages on Facebook. I have received loads of emails and newsletters. One of those newsletters, from http://www.elephantjournal.com, opened with a quote from Crazy Horse, “It’s a good day to die.” This quote has come to me several times over the past few months often preceded with, “Hokahey,” which means something like, “Let’s do this.” Completing the quote, “Hokahey, it’s a good day to die.” ~ In the Elephant Journal Newsletter an explanation of the quote is provided; “A belief that one should never live a moment of one's life with any regrets, or tasks left undone. Which would make today as good a day as any to die."

Since last Sunday, I have been to physical therapy twice. Thursday was my sixth visit but the first time I noticed a particular poster on the wall. It’s Yoda, yes, Yoda from Star Wars, and on the poster it reads, “Do or Do Not. There is No Try.” This quote from Yoda has come my way several times over the past few months. What’s interesting about the quote, which I had never heard until several months ago, is that the philosophy of the quote is something I have used many times in my talks. Even in the most recent one given last month, in which I reference there is no trying in life we are either doing it or not doing it. Some days we just do life better than others.

Since last Sunday, I have spent more time whispering prayers, emerging deeper in meditation, chanting more mantras, and, three times I have pulled the Patience card from Doren Virtue’s Archangel Oracle Deck. There is paint splashed around as I have FEARLESSly played, inspired by Connie Hozvicka’s BIG http://www.dirtyfootprints-studio.com. And, from Pixie Campbell’s SouLodge http://pixiecampbell.typepad.com, I have engaged more with Mother Earth, learning from Her with a new perspective. I also listened to a recorded message by Chameli Aragh of http://www.awakeningwomen.com in which she says something like, “…surrender yourself…pay attention to each moment as it’s an experience to offer self…”

Since last Sunday, sleep evaded me several nights. I got up, wheeled outside, and gazed into the vast, deep, midnight sky. I sought Luna knowing that just seeing her would bring joy. The brilliance of the stars from my little country home will continue to take my breath away. Each night, as I looked up into the infinite sky I was reminded of something I had written back in May, “…the depth of our being…is as the universe… beyond the beyond…”

Since last Sunday, there has been a lovely praying mantis outside my kitchen door. Each day, I politely acknowledged her, grateful she’s ‘hanging’ around knowing what good she does for the gardens. But, today, I could no longer over look ‘why’ she was here, patiently here, with me. Mantis is a Greek word meaning prophet. Praying mantis is symbolic of spirituality, intuition, balance, meditation, creativity, contemplation, mindfulness, and represents patience.  

Since last Sunday, it took all of these experiences, words, individuals, for me to finally breathe in with acceptance and expansion the ‘something more,’ the ‘something else’, the message, “Everything you need you have in the moment.”

As a reader you may wonder, “What’s the problem with such a sweet, simple message? Why did it take you five days, Jules, to get here?”

Last Sunday, when I first heard it, the message, I sat up and said, “So, you’re telling me the afternoon of February 13, 2006, Jeff received in ‘the moment’ everything he needed? That while an ICU nurse was standing over him on his hospital bed forcing fluids into his IV’s, while an ER doctor shouted orders to staff manning the crash cart beside his bed, while his head and face turned a deeper shade of purplish-gray, while a machine breathed for him; you’re telling me as death took my husband that ‘everything he needed he had in the moment?”

Before any response, I continued, “Okay, so maybe this isn’t about Jeff, maybe it’s about me. Maybe the message is only for me. I won’t even go to May 26, 1997; I’ll stay on February 13, 2006. So, you’re telling me that while I’m helplessly watching all of this going on in my husband’s ICU room, knowing our children, Jeff’s dad, mom, sisters, our family are sitting out in the waiting room wondering, praying, hoping, crying, as doctor, nurse, staff each look at me during intervals of life saving procedures, waiting for me to finally say, ‘Enough, it is enough, let him go,’ that ‘everything I needed I had in the moment?’”

For the first time, since last Sunday, I surrendered. I breathed it in. “Everything you need you have in the moment.” There is so much I don’t know, so much I don’t understand, so much I can’t wrap my head or my heart around, so much beyond the beyond that today, at this very moment I must trust everything I need I have in the moment. I must trust that everything Jeff needs he has in the moment. I must trust that everything you need you have in the moment.

I went outside the kitchen door to tell praying mantis I did it, I wrote it, I breathed it in and released it out.

She is gone…

Good Morning

Above my bed are two large magnificent picture framed skylights. The bedroom faces west and the pitch of the roof angles the skylights ever so slightly more westerly. The afternoon sun, this time of year, can really heat things up in there.

In the evenings I open a few of the bedroom windows. Every once in a while I can hear Jeff’s voice shouting down from heaven, “The air conditioner is on!” But the country cools down at night and more often than not a breeze will blow in carrying delightful night smells and sounds. It’s become a necessity of my existence since moving here, summer or winter, to fall asleep, as well as wake up, in the ambient country air.

As I awoke this morning looking out the skylights I noticed sweet Luna looking back at me. There she was, as she has been for the past few mornings, in her waning motion, sitting high above, peaking in my bedroom to say, “Good Morning.” It isn’t always we have an opportunity to see her moving across a light blue day lit sky, so I laid there enjoying her company.

BabyCat stretched out touching my arm. He turned on his purr even before I began to rub his neck. He reminded me mountain lion came to visit me last night. ~ We were near the fire again. Wearing porcupine’s gift, I wondered if he’d come around too, but it was just mountain lion and me. I wanted to have conversation, receive a message from beyond, even learn mountain lion’s name, surely he has a name.  (As frustrating as it is to be lucid in a dream or meditation and not get my way, it is a beautiful thing to be reminded ‘self’ isn’t and shouldn’t always be in control.) Near the fire, wearing my beautiful anklets, I fell asleep next to my large, majestic, strong, yet nameless, animal totem-mountain lion. ~

Opening the kitchen door to let Cadbury out disturbed the song birds. I had caught just a hint of their morning song but as soon as the door opened they silenced, like I had interrupted a sacred choir performance. Once Cadbury stepped outside, a covey of sparrows flew up out of the Sumac bushes outside my kitchen. I had no idea there were so many little birds nesting down in there.

I watered the aging wild flower patch and smiled at noticing a few new California poppies and sunflowers opening up. My smile quickly dwindled as I noticed weeds, more weeds, oh those damn weeds. But something in the smell of the damp earth, changing colors, and morning temperature made me realize I just don’t care about those weeds anymore. Let them have their day. Autumn is coming soon and the earth around me will become like an Etch-a-Sketch shaken by Mother.

Wheeling back into the house, at the threshold was a very big black ant. At first I was going to squish it but then I remembered I had decided (hmm was it me who decided) ant is my insect totem and it is quite unusual to see a black ant near my house.  Black ants are rare here and this is the second one I’ve seen this week. Certainly two black ants don’t declare an infestation. Ant looked up at me; I thought how big I must be to it. “Go on ant, shoo, away from the door.”

Rolling through the house, I saw outside to the north, the prayer pouches I had hung with the baby grape vines. The earth around the vines was damp from the irrigation water turned on by a neighbor who knew I wouldn’t get up and go outside late at night to take my water turn. I am grateful for caring, thoughtful neighbors.

I wheeled past my little make shift alter which, sitting on top alongside a few of my cherished spiritual things, are the bottles of elemental oils I had blended a few nights ago. I inhaled deeply and could pick up a hint of patchouli, ginger, lavender essential oils mingling with the smell of a white sage stick. And there also is a set of scriptures. I picked them up opening to a page where I had a little sketch tucked inside. Next to the sketch I had written “Joy ~ is the state of the heart.” I read Hebrews 10:14 “For by one offering He hath perfected forever them that are sanctified.” Putting the scriptures down I decided to go back to bed and watch sweet Luna move across the sky.

In the short distance between my alter and my bed I became distracted. On the other side of my bed I have a painting ‘mess’. There are two projects I have been playing with. In order to get to the other side of the bed, I had to maneuver around a large book and my glasses which must have fallen off the bed last night. I’m surprised the hardbound copy of Seven Spiritual Masterpieces’ by CS Lewis didn’t wake me up when it hit the floor. Looking at the brushes, paints, projects, all I could hear in my head was, “trust the mess.”

I plopped back on my bed to find Luna had already pasted by the skylights. Disappointed, I let out a sigh.  “Lord,” I said, “Speak to me today, let me be creative, help me to create, fill me to overflowing with your wonder and magic.”

“Oh, silly wheelchair girl,” He whispered, “Good morning.”